By God Spring Training By God

So.
Spring training games have started. Baseball is officially, finally a thing.

And this happens:

10 Things We Learned About Hockey At Sochi

1. Going into the Olympics, people figured the US men's team was maybe the 3rd-4th best, with a puncher's chance of bringing home gold. Halfway through, after the US beat up on the international hockey equivalent of Louisiana-Monroe and got a lucky break against Russia, they were the favorite for gold. They ran into some teams that could play defense and ended up 4th, which is pretty much A)the story of U of Miami's football season and B)what we all expected in the first place. And yet, somehow this has become a tremendous disappointment. Perspective. It ain't what it used to be.

Baseball and True Detective: A Theory

As of this writing, the internet is cheerfully chewing on its own innards trying to anticipate the twists and turns of the last two episodes of True Detective. We here at Sportsthodoxy are big fans of the show, and as at least one of us is professionally dipped into conspiracy theory on a regular basis (and another is actually in politics), we thought it appropriate to unveil our own take on things.

Your Handy-Dandy Guide To The New Rules About Blocking The Plate In Baseball

Because we need more of this...

Why Is Everyone Mad?
Baseball, in conjunction with the players' union, has taken the unprecedented step of writing new rules that suggest umpires enforce the existing rules to prevent players from suddenly turning a play at the plate into the Seven Nations Rugby Championship. Old-school purists have decided that this means that they are wussifying the game, because there is no play more worth cherishing in baseball history than the All-Star Game collision where Pete Rose ruined Ray Fosse's career.

On Distractions

We're going to take the low hanging fruit  here, but someone's got to do it.

In the short span of time since University of Missouri defensive end Michael Sam announced that he was gay, we've had the following NFL-related reports of, shall we say, socially unacceptable behavior.

Whose House? Arne Duncan's House

If you are a national sports talk radio host and you are filling a segment - or multiple segments - with an extended kvetch over how the "celebrities" at the NBA All Star Weekend Celebrity Basketball Game aren't big enough celebrities for you to truly appreciate the event, your employers (who are in the entertainment business and thus presumably know something about how this whole celebrity thing works) may want to take a second look at your qualifications.

On Basketball as a Winter Olympics Sport

To all the columnists suggesting that basketball be moved to the Winter Olympics because it's a "winter sport", we humbly respond with:

You're wrong. 

Proposed New Olympic Events

Because what Sochi really needs is more unsolicited advice...

Jeter Announces Retirement

We were going to say something about this earlier, but we missed it, probably because it went to our left.

#rimshot

Rebuilding the Cleveland Way

Cleveland Browns Front Office Org Chart

Here is the normal process for cleaning out a front office and hiring a coach in the NFL:

1. Fire everyone in the front office. If there are people in place you want to keep, don't fire them.
2. Hire the people you want for the available spots.
3. Once your front office is in place and set up to go forward, proceed with hiring a coach. This ensures that the coach you eventually hire is the guy your GM wants to be coaching the team, and whom presumably he can work with.
4. Do football-type things.

Sam's Club

There will be roughly ninety zillion gallons of pixel juice spilled over the next few days over the fact that former Missouri defensive end Michael Sam has come out as gay in advance of the NFL draft. 

No Smart Puns

If you are a grown man whose greatest joy in life is paying huge amounts of money for the privilege of taunting 20 year olds you don't know, then there is probably something wrong with you.

No, Marcus Smart shouldn't have shoved the so-called Texas Tech "Superfan" (and "Superfan" is awfully close to "SuperFund", but that's neither here nor there) when the guy said whatever he said to Smart at the end of the Oklahoma State - Texas Tech game. Smart will almost certainly be suspended, as well he should be - the line between performers and spectators is one that should remain inviolate.

The Whos Are Playing Where?

The Dread Dormammu Commands You To Get A Smoothie!

The name of an athletic team is intended to inspire. It is supposed to be an aspirational name, a name that can be chanted by throngs of devoted fans. It is supposed to be an aggressive name, a name that supporters will want to wear on their replica jerseys and t-shirts and hoodies and jackets, that they'll want to slap bumper stickers and tiny flags of on their cars. Think Lions, think Tigers, think Bears and Broncos and Seahawks and Predators. It is supposed to be, in a word, awesome.

In Memoriam: Ralph Kiner

Ralph Kiner: 1922-2014

You couldn't have a Ralph Kiner today.

On the field, sure. 50 HR power plays in any era, no matter how bad your glove is. He'd fit right in with the Prince Fielders and Adam Dunns and Paul Konerkos of the world, merrily mashing away and providing post-game interviews worth listening to.

Follow the Stories

• The Oakland Raiders' cheerleaders suing the team over their frankly insane working conditions. (Note: Roughly 90% of the commentariat disdaining said cheerleaders for wanting to actually get paid would set their couches on fire if subjected to the working conditions of the average NFL cheerleader)
• The group of Northwestern University football players who want to unionize.
• The Eli Manning/New York Giants fake memorabilia scandal

Eleven Thoughts on the Super Bowl

A few thoughts from the smoldering wreckage of the Super Bowl. Let's be honest, this was a beatdown so bad that if you squinted, you could see the Jim Kelly-era Bills playing there. Even so, there were some useful takeaways - some on the field, some off.

Official Sportsthodoxy Super Bowl XLVII Prop Bet Betting Lines (for entertainment use only)

Yes, I know we warned you about gambling yesterday. But if you are going to bet on the Super Bowl, we can't stop you. We can only hope to inform you with the official Sportsthodoxy Super Bowl XLVII Prop Bet Betting Lines (for entertainment use only). Because let's face it, just betting on the game or doing one of those cockamamie grid things are boring. You want to know what are the odds that:

On Gambling

They did not build this by losing money to your Uncle Hector
and his "Foolproof betting method"

Once upon a time, when Dr. Mrs. The Sportsthodoxy and I were on our honeymoon, I took her to a casino. More accurately, we were on a cruise ship that had a casino on board, and our first day out of port they had a "get to learn how to play casino games" briefing for all us benighted souls on board. We bounced from table to table, with Dr. Mrs. The Sportsthodoxy, who is a PhD. statistician, making a few cutting comments about how efficiently the various games were designed to separate you from your cash, and how foolish various maneuvers seemed to anyone who understood basic probability theory.