Wednesday, August 20, 2014

ACC Football Preview. Sort Of.

Because it's that time of year again, and the local airwaves are buzzing with talk of ACC football. In truth, there's more reason to do it than most years, seeing as how A)last year was a remarkably successful one for the conference and B)they've just added an actually good football team in Louisville, and Notre Dame has started keeping a change of clothes and a toothbrush at conference HQ while still insisting that they're just friends with benefits.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Thoughts On The Greatest Preseason Game Ever

RGIII VERSUS JOHNNY FOOTBALL WHO IS IN A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE WITH BRIAN HOYER! PRESEASON FOOTBALL AT ITS FINEST! YOU MAY BE FORCED TO BUY YOUR WHOLE SEAT AS PART OF YOUR SEASON TICKET PACKAGE BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!

Now that we've got that out of the way, some thoughts:

Friday, August 15, 2014

What I Hate About Baseball

Here's the thing I hate about baseball.

No, it's not the pace of the game. I happen to like a game that's not viciously enthralled to the need to hit commercial timeouts at precise moments. I like a game where you can't run out the clock and thus reduce a sporting event to the grinding misery of the endgame of a poorly designed German board game. Indeed, baseball games may be the only instance on the planet where customers complain about getting more of what they bought for the same money. [Insert mandatory note about how the average football game is longer and has less actual action than a baseball game. But I digress.]

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Best. Excuse. Ever. (Dallas Cowboys Edition)

So this happened today:

Cowboys  DB Orlando Scandrick got suspended 4 games for violating the NFL's performance-enhancing drugs policy. Scandrick tested positive for amphetamines, which he contritely claims got into his system because he took some bad ecstasy while on vacation in Mexico with an ex-girlfriend. 

Let's stop here a minute and count up all the mind-blowing things in that statement:

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

NFL Preseason Week 1 Observations

Here are some things we know after the first round of NFL preseason football games:
  • Michael Sam looks like a perfectly competent football player when on the field playing football.
  • Johnny Manziel did not step onto the field and instantly turn into the Best Quarterback Evar.

Saturday, August 09, 2014

A Recipe For Success

"You ordered what?"
For the record, this is how you make the "BBQ Nachos" at Five County Stadium in Zebulon, NC, home of the Carolina Mudcats, the Single-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians:

Friday, August 08, 2014

Wiggins For Love: Oh No No No No No No No (Yes. A Bit)

The worst-kept secret in the history of the NBA is out, namely, that the Minnesota Timberwolves are going to unload disgruntled star and Beach Boys-connected genetic freak Kevin Love to the Cleveland LeBrons in exchange for this year's #1 overall pick (Andrew Wiggins, who claimed to have no idea he was on the block), last year's #1 overall pick (Anthony Bennett, who played last year like he was auditioning to be one of Gonzo the Great's backup chickens) and a protected #1 pick in 2015. (Protected, for those of you who don't speak NBA rules jargon, means "you don't get it if we suck". With LeBron, Love, and Kyrie Irving on board, that seems unlikely.)

For various reasons, the trade can't officially be consummated until August 23rd, which marks precisely 30 days since Wiggins signed his contract with the Cavaliers. This is the rule; no trading a guy within 30 days of signing his first contract. This makes absolutely no sense, as A)you can trade the guy's rights before he signs but not after and B)if you know you're going to trade the guy, there's no reason to make him go through the charade of starting to learn your playbook, finding a place to live, etc. when it's all going to be irrelevant as soon as the calendar rolls over.

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