Saturday, August 29, 2015

Jordy Nelson and God’s Plan

Roger Goodell has taken a lot of flak for having too much power in the NFL.  He is the judge, jury, and executioner of discipline. He is ruling on moral issues more than any commissioner before him.  He is on a personal witch hunt against the Patriots and Tom Brady, when he’s not hugging Robert Kraft. He has too much influence on the game!  Who cares if that’s what everyone voted for and agreed to, we don’t like it anymore!

Friday, August 28, 2015

A Tale of Three Coaches

Right now there are two stories involving college football coaches getting airplay.

One comes to us from that hotbed of ethical footballing (paging Pete Carroll, err, Lane Kiffin, err, Reggie Bush, err, never mind) USC. At their annual "Salute to Troy", which, presumably does not involve a bunch of Mycenaeans sacking the campus from inside a big wooden horse, football coach Steve Sarkisian got liquored up and said a bunch of things that USC fans say all the time. Caught on audio, Sarkisian talks about, among other things, how various conference rivals of the Trojans, and I quote here, "suck".

Who Let The Dogs Out?

The Pittsburgh Steelers have signed convicted animal abuser Michael Vick to a one year contract as backup to Ben Roethlisberger. There are a wide variety of reactions to this from "OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO GO ROOT FOR THE PATRIOTS NOW!" to "Whatever" to "Who?" to "Where are we going and what's with this handbasket?"

Thursday, August 27, 2015

There's a Topical Cream For This, You Know

Spotted on an ESPN chyron today:

"Is Ohio State Already Crumbling Under Pressure To Repeat" (roughly).

I don't know. Let's see them play an actual game first and maybe, just maybe we can find out. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

On Tiger Being "Back"

Dear Golf Writers And Commentators:

Tiger Woods is not "back". Tiger Woods will never be "back", at least not as you describe it. He will not come back to make golf more interesting. He will not come back to chase Jack Nicklaus' record number of majors. He will not ever be the Tiger Woods of 2000-2010 you are so desperate for.

Which means you can stop doing the following things:

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

16Ks and What Do You Get?

There are a lot of reasons to go to a ballgame. Spending time with friends and/or family. Satisfying a craving for ballpark hot dogs. Watching the actual game. You know, all sorts of things.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Stick a Fork In Him (But Save The Crab Legs)

Overheard the other night while driving home from the office: Two ESPN radio chuckleheads debating whether it was too soon to call #1 overall pick Jameis Winston a bust.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Self-Evident Truths

These ten things we at Sportsthodoxy hold to be self-evident:

  1. There is no such thing as an "elite" quarterback, and any argument over who is or is not elite is purest bullshit. This is why video games are better than football; in video games, you know when you level.

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Worth the Money

There may be nothing stupider on sports talk radio than the "Does Player X deserve his contract?" discussion1. It stems from a place of envy and ignorance, namely, that athletes are overpaid and thus we as fans should be the arbiter of their worthiness. (the "We pay your salary!" cri de cornhole is the worst manifestation of this nonsense. No, sir no matter how many $12 Bud Lights you've purchased at the ballpark, you're not paying A-Rod's salary. Not even a little bit of it.) The unspoken answer is always "No", and the real debate is "can said player do enough to get us to forgive him for making that much money?"

Monday, August 03, 2015

Trade Deadline's Winners And Losers

Every major event on the sporting calendar is accompanied by a flurry of "Winners/Losers" articles. Drafts, trade deadlines, free agency periods, you name it, and the MBL non-waiver deadline is no exception. And if you look around, you'll see a ton of pieces mostly spitting up the same points over and over: The Blue Jays, Royals and Astros won, the Phillies got decent value for Hamels, and we're stunned San Diego didn't do anything. (Not entirely true: they added Mark Rzepczynski). But we here at Sportsthodoxy like to dig deeper, and to expose the unorthodox winners and losers. And maybe, just maybe, to frame the debate in terms of obscure late-period Muppets. So without further ado:

Saturday, August 01, 2015

Here's Some Heresy For You

As long as Alex Rodriguez has been in New York, he's been a mess. He's been awkward with the media, he's been an occasional jerkface, he's had issues in the clubhouse, and he's been about as media-savvy as a sasquatch confronted with a smartphone. Never has a Yankee been so widely hated, even when he was producing well; once the production dried up and the allegations started, the NewYork papers piled on him like he was one of David Dinkins' last remaining political appointees.