Tiger Woods is not "back". Tiger Woods will never be "back", at least not as you describe it. He will not come back to make golf more interesting. He will not come back to chase Jack Nicklaus' record number of majors. He will not ever be the Tiger Woods of 2000-2010 you are so desperate for.
Which means you can stop doing the following things:
- Debating whether Tiger is back every time he makes a cut
- Loudly shouting that you're sick of the "Is Tiger Back?" stories you have been running with for days
- Calculating insane scenarios whereby Tiger makes the golf playoffs, whatever those are
- Speculating endlessly on what it would take for Tiger to actually be considered "back"
- Talking about what you think Tiger should do to get "back"
- Reminiscing fondly about 2013, when Tiger won 5 tournaments and you honestly thought he was "back"
- Peppering on-air guests who actually know something about golf with "so, what about Tiger? Is he back?" questions
- Spending extensive time and/or column inches declaiming about how you're not going to write about Tiger Woods being "back". Or not being back. Or the state of his backness. Seriously. Just shut up already.
Thank You.
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