Sunday, February 02, 2014

Official Sportsthodoxy Super Bowl XLVII Prop Bet Betting Lines (for entertainment use only)

Yes, I know we warned you about gambling yesterday. But if you are going to bet on the Super Bowl, we can't stop you. We can only hope to inform you with the official Sportsthodoxy Super Bowl XLVII Prop Bet Betting Lines (for entertainment use only). Because let's face it, just betting on the game or doing one of those cockamamie grid things are boring. You want to know what are the odds that:



  • It will snow during game day (screw the weather reports): 3-2
  • It will snow during the game: 5-2
  • It will snow enough during the game that somebody makes the mandatory "Ice Bowl" reference: 7-2
  • Snowfall factors into gameplay (bad punt, fumble, open-field untouched fall): 4-1
  • Snowfall is enough to produce a hilarious .gif of said bad gameplay: 5-1
  • Snowfall raises Mimir, King of the Frost Giants: 10-1
  • Mimir intercepts Peyton Manning to ice the Seahawks victory: push
  • Broncos put a helmet and pads on Thunder the Horse: 19-1
  • Thunder outgains Marshawn Lynch: 23-2
  • Thunder out gains Marshawn Lynch by halftime: 40-1
  • Lynch says nothing about being out gained by a fake horse at post game presser: 3-2
  • Halftime entertainer Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers goes without a shirt in the freezing cold 1.5-1
  • Kiedis's sock has a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show: 1-5
  • Kiedis' sock malfunction later revealed to be part of a plot by Up With People to get back on stage at the big game: 57-1
  • Someone mentions ZZ Top once played the Super Bowl: 96-1
  • Weather pushes the game to Tuesday: 10-1
  • Game decided by referee "snow blindness": 3-1
  • Someone mentions that Styx played the Super Bowl once and starts quoting cocaine epic "Snowblind": 329-2
  • NJ Gov. Chris Christie saves face by eliminating Superbowl pre-game traffic:1000-1
  • Empty seats will be easily noticeable on TV: 3-2
  • Empty seats will be described as belonging to people who "ratted out" Christie and now "Sleep with da fishes": 5-1
  • An announcer reminds viewers that the Super Bowl is actually taking place in New Jersey: 4-1
  • An announcer gets stuck in traffic trying to get to the Meadowlands through the Holland Tunnel and misses the game: 9-2
  • During a Hail Mary play, the freezes solid and kills a cameraman on the sidelines: even money
  • Wes Welker freezes solid while trying to block Richard Sherman: 5-2
  • Patriots fans claim Welker's icy demise was a dirty play: 2-1
  • Bill Belichick secretly videotapes the Seahawks' practices before the game, just for old times sake: 4-1
  • Peyton Manning contracts frostbite, turns blue, is finally identified as a dead ringer for cartoon character Megamind: 9-1
  • Eli Manning tries hawking his game-worn Super Bowl XLVIII jersey within minutes of the game ending: 5-1
  • You will be at a party with someone who says "they only watch for the commercials": 3-1
  • Said person will have no idea what commercials were shown tomorrow: push
  • You will talk to someone who proclaims on Twitter that they are defiantly not watching the Super Bowl: 3:2
  • You will talk to someone who proclaims on Twitter that they are defiantly not watching the Super Bowl and is mad that the internet has not acknowledged what a daring rebel they are: 2-1
  • The part of Peyton Manning will now be played by Benedict Cumberbatch: 7-1
  • Peter Jackson will attempt to turn the Super Bowl into 3 games, each of which lasts six hours: 20-1
  • Knowshon Moreno rushes for 100 yard: 4:1
  • Knowshon Moreno is tackled just short of the goal line by the zombie of Jimmy Hoffa, risen from beneath the turf: 60-1
  • The game is decided by a field goal: 5-2
  • The game looks like it is going to be decided by a field goal, prompting one of the announcers to talk ominously about "The swirling winds":  3-1
  • The other team calls time out to try to ice the kicker: 2-1
  • A sub-zero blast of wind actually ices the kicker: 20-1
  • More time is spent talking about Peyton Manning's "legacy" than about the game: 3-1
  • More time is spent talking about Peyton Manning's "legacy" than about the rest of the Broncos combined: 6-1
  • The person who has no idea who's playing and never watches football wins your office Super Bowl betting pool: 1:1
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