Monday, February 04, 2013

Important Things We Learned During The Super Bowl

  1. Deer antler extract's main benefit is causing the guys on the other team to drop the ball.
  2. The best plays that were called were the ones that planned on the other guys missing tackles. The last time I saw that many flubbed attempts to wrap something up, it was on the set of a mummy-themed porn flick.
  3. If your play-calling is questionable, you don't deserve to get penalties called.
  4. The 49ers definitely needed to pull Colin Kaepernick and replace him with Alex Smith. Except when Kaepernick was en fuego, a time that oddly enough coincided with the 49ers' brain trust abandoning their love of "running Frank Gore up the middle to set up 2nd and 9".
  5. When my wife, the brilliant and talented and not-at-all-interested-in-football Melinda Thielbar, watches a play and says "That's holding, right?", it's probably holding.
  6. The lights went off in the Mercedes Benz Superdome (and boy howdy, is that ever weird to type) because of an "external power surge". Which only makes sense, as the stadium does not have either a small nuclear power plant or a chained Pikachu in the basement to provide for its electrical needs.
  7. Pass interference is no longer a thing. 
  8. Steve Tasker and Solomon Wilcots cannot do math. To be fair, they should not be asked to do improvisational math on live television. Even if it is just subtraction.
  9. Not sure whose idea it was to have someone under 60 do the halftime show, but as concepts go, it might be a keeper.
  10. The momentum shifted in the 49ers' favor when the power went out. And thus, with the momentum swinging their way, they took the field after the partial blackout and gave away the ball on downs.
  11. The refs may want their face time when the cameras are on them before the game (I'm talking to you, Crew Chief Boger), but none of them want to be the ones making a call when it's a big moment. 
  12. According to the booth crew, it's a good thing they stop enforcing the rules toward the end of the game. Because inconsistency in enforcement just adds to the excitement
  13. For the record, the Puppy Bowl had power thoughout the whole game.
  14. At any given moment, the number of Harbaughs freaking out was = 1. This may be a new mathematical constant.
  15. The appropriate response to a blackout at the Super Bowl is to make a Bane joke. The second appropriate response is to realize that Ray Lewis actually is Bane.

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