Sunday, October 18, 2015

ESPN Headline - English Translation Guide

Because sometimes the headline writers at the World Wide Leader don't quite communicate what they're after, here's a handy-dandy ESPN-English translation guide from today's ESPN.COM front page (with bonus content from the CFB page, ya nitpicking bastids)

  • BRADY'S DAD WANTS PATS TO SCORE 60 AGAINST COLTS = "Nobody on the Patriots or Colts has said anything interesting this week."
  • HARVEY WINS BACK GOTHAM WITH GAME ONE VICTORY = "Mets fans are fickle jerks. Also, Dent for mayor!"
  • VIKINGS SATURDAY DONUT CLUB: A BROTHERHOOD OF SUGAR = "Linemen are fat, and now that none of them are getting arrested, the Vikings are boring."
  • WATCH: FANTASY FOOTBALL NOW ON ESPN2" = "Have all those conversations where you told uncaring strangers about your fantasy team validated!"
  • NORWICH CITY CUTS NEWCASTLE LEAD = "We paid a ton for these broadcasting rights, so you WILL care about soccer, goddamnit!"
  • PANTHERS UPSET AFTER FIRE ALARM PULLED IN THEIR HOTEL = "No word yet if someone left a flaming bag of dog poo out front as well."
  • STACK UP YOUR TEAM WITH PATRIOTS' PLAYERS = "We're not sure how to use apostrophes to indicate the possessive, either."
  • WYOMING COWBOYS FAN WEARING A BARREL ON THE SIDELINE = "We have absolutely nothing to add to this picture."
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