Tuesday, August 12, 2014

NFL Preseason Week 1 Observations

Here are some things we know after the first round of NFL preseason football games:
  • Michael Sam looks like a perfectly competent football player when on the field playing football.
  • Johnny Manziel did not step onto the field and instantly turn into the Best Quarterback Evar.
  • Teddy Bridgewater did not step onto the field and immediately start lobbing balls six rows deep into the stands because he has tiny baby hands.
  • The Houston Texans remain terrible.
  • The Rams' locker room did not turn into either a seething pit of tension or a reasonable facsimile of Provincetown, Massachusetts after Michael Sam stepped on the field and played football perfectly competently.
  • Peyton Manning did a nice job of picking apart the Seahawks' defense, which is a perfect example of what we in the business call "timing issues".
  • Eagles-Bears proves that offenses are ahead of defenses at this point in the year.
  • Jets-Colts proves that defenses are ahead of offenses at this point in the year.
  • New England got clobbered by Washington, which goes to prove that Bill Belichick doesn't give a damn about preseason football.
  • The Raiders are probably still terrible.
  • Johnny Manziel did not get folded into an origami swan the first time he stepped onto an NFL field, either.
  • Andy Reid game plans for Kansas City preseason football look suspiciously like Andy Reid preseason plans for Philadelphia football.
  • Looking at box scores featuring Matt Moore, Jimmy Claussen, et alia, it's clear that the only guy who's played QB for Carolina over the last half-decade who didn't get snaps last night was Cam Newton.
  • Blake Bortles still sounds like one of Superboy's less interesting pals from Smallville.
  • The stated intent to reduce the number of pre-season games has made exactly as much progress as you think it might, which is to say: none, as long as owners can still charge full price for seats and beers for games where their fourth-stringers battle it out starting in the second quarter.

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