Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Sportsthodoxy Guide to Statheads and the Tea Party

Recently, noted bow-tie enthusiast Ken Rosenthal compared the baseball stathead community to the Tea Party, implying that they had gotten so vociferous and unyielding in their debates over the Hall of Fame that they'd shut all possibility consensus down. Whether that argument holds true or not - there's something to be said about the you-damn-kids-get-off-my-lawn vitriol heaved by the Tracy Ringolsbys of the world as contributing to the general air of frostiness, not to mention Jon Heyman's factually inaccurate mash note to Malibu Fantasy Jack Morris, but that's neither here nor there. At Sportsthodoxy, we feel it is our duty to help you differentiate between the Tea Party and sabermetricians through this useful field guide:




The Tea Party
Baseball Statheads
Wear....
...outdated tricorn hats and wigs
...outdated t-shirts from 90s power-pop bands
Congregate...
...near hilariously misspelled protest signs
...in their parents’ basements
Prone to long-winded rants about...
...the Founding Fathers, never mind that they didn’t say half the stuff these guys say they did
...Bill James, founding father of sabermetrics, never mind that he’s working for the Red Sox
Fallback argument is...
...the Second Amendment
...WAR (because OPS+ is kludgy as hell, and WARP3 is proprietary)
Have an in-spite-of-his-meager-track-record crush on...
...Rand Paul
...Erubiel Durazo? Kila Ka’aihue? Daric Barton? Wily Mo Pena?  They're sluts, the lot of them.
Dream of...
...a smaller government
...a smaller BBWAA
Favorite flag is...
“Don’t Tread On Me”
“World Series Champions” pennant
Don’t like Jack Morris because...
...he did his best work in Detroit, which is a union town
...he wasn’t actually that great
Believe the Distributive Property is...
...a Socialist plot
...basic math
Hate government funded ballparks because...
...they’re a taxpayer financed boondoggle
...they’re a taxpayer-financed boondoggle

My God. Rosenthal is right after all.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Great Moments In Illiterate Nutbar Ex-Jock Columnists

John Rocker's latest idiocy proves precisely one thing: the only pitch he ever mastered was the screwball.

Two Conference Championship Storylines You're Tired Of Already

...and it's only Tuesday. This was going to be "Four Conference Championship Storylines You're Tired Of Already" but I just couldn't bear to watch any more SportsCenter.

Ray Lewis vs. Tom Brady: Could be worse. Could be Brady vs. Manning XIV.  That would be a sports-yak bloviation sludge tsunami that we would have to endure by clinging to a palm tree of NPR and classic-rock stations through all of drive time.  (And then hoist ourselves up onto the rescue helicopter of Big Bang Theory reruns and Cougar Town in place of SportsCenter.)
And at least this matchup, unlike quarterback vs. quarterback "matchups," includes players who might brush into one another on the playing field.
With all of that out of the way, do we need to hear again how Lewis "respects" Brady as a player and Brady "dreads" Lewis's dangerous sack-tasticity?  Ray Lewis wants to crush Tom Brady into paste on third-and-seven (and then ostentatiously pray about it). Brady wants to take advantage of Lewis's inability to cover a running back in the flat (and get back home to his supermodel wife). They both want to get to the Super Bowl and get another few million in endorsements. The game isn't about Tom vs. Ray.

Is Colin Kaepernick Football Jesus With A Chin-Beard Or What:  Judging by the outpouring of praise, we must assume that Kaepernick was the top quarterback of the weekend. Right?
Not according to Football Outsiders; according to their advanced statistics, Kaepernick was fourth, behind a different rookie -- who didn't even win his game!, an already-overexposed guy with a hot wife, and a QB whose unibrow appears in the Ravens Media Guide with the caption "really average, but we still like him."
Look, Kaepernick has great potential.  Really scary potential.  But let's not crown him Football Messiah until he's played a full season.

And now, back into the talk-radio mines. Send jerky.

Great Moments In ESPN Radio: Lance Armstrong Is Not A Famous Cyclist Edition

"Lance Armstrong is not famous because of cycling." - Mike Greenberg

Greenberg then proceeded to back this point up with the fact that he was an SI Sportsman of the Year and a folk hero because he had beaten a death sentence and gone on to compete in one of the most grueling sports in the world.

Or, as we humans put it: He was not famous because of cycling. He was famous because he was a famous athlete (whose sport was cycling) and who had beaten cancer (like many other people who were not famous cyclists and thus did not have their cancer battles publicized) in a public way (because he was famous for being a cyclist) and gone back to compete at the highest level of his sport (which happened to be cycling).


Just so that's clear.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Consistency In Action

According to ESPN's Jim Bowden, tickets are now available for the New York chapter of the BBWAA's annual dinner.

One can only hope that they will insist on steroid- and hormone-free beef for the main course.

Some Hockey Fans Wanted A Pony

Carolina is now hockey country.

I know that sounds weird. After all, it's NASCAR country, what with the sport being based out of Charlotte. And it's college basketball country, as anyone who's ever had their eardrums blown out by a Dick Vitale game call knows. It would be college football country, if any of the three local schools could manage to combine pointing themselves at the right end zone, hiring a coach who doesn't use the rule book for Kleenex, and a willingness not to run off the star quarterback to the land of dairy and badgers.

But it's hockey country, too. In seasons when the Hurricanes are even half-decent (which is to say: not lately), the local arena is the loudest in the league. Give the local fans, many of whom are transplants from up north - they don't call the town of Cary "Containment Area for Relocated Yankees" for nothing - something to cheer about, and cheer they will. Emphatically. (Also: people around here enjoy watching people clobber other people with sticks. But I digress.)

And coming into this season, there seemed to be a lot for Carolina fans to cheer about. The team made some intelligent, aggressive moves in the offseason. Their best talent was young and hungry. They'd cleverly broken their habit of recycling their old coaches - the Canes and Paul Maurice were the R-Pat and K-Stew of the NHL - and were prepared to give successful interim coach Kirk Muller the reins for a full season. Things, in short, looked bright.

Odds are, if you're reading this, you know that things didn't quite work out as planned. The lockout of the players by the owners, which wins hands-down for "dumbest labor dispute in the history of major US professional sports", knocked the season off the blocks. Sure, we're getting a 48 game speed dating round, but to be blunt, it ain't going to be the same game. Yes, the rules will be the same, but the short, crowded schedule, the newly contorted schedules, the shortened prep time the teams have and the wear and tear that players who've been playing in Europe have put on their bodies  - these all mean that the familiar, if not entirely level, playing field of an NHL season has been tilted. Whatever happens on the ice this year, it's going to be different than what would have happened if the original, full schedule had been played.

But in the midst of thinking about this, there's still room to get a good laugh. The most recent came from a discussion on local sports talker 99.9 (surnamed "The Buzz" - why are all sports radio stations "The Buzz", "The Ticket" or "The Big Hitter"? Why can't just one of them be "The Situational Left Handed Reliever Who Gets Murdered By Right Handed Batters"?) wherein it was indignantly proclaimed that all through the labor dispute, nobody thought of the fans.

This is amusing on a couple of levels, not the least of which being that 99.9 is A)owned by Capital Broadcasting, which happens to be a minority owner in the 'Canes and B)is the flagship station for the 'Canes radio network. Good on the hosts for demonstrating some independence, but c'mon. Of course the two sides thought of the fans. They thought of fans as customers. They thought of fans as revenue. They thought of fans as sources of revenue that teams might try to hide from the players' union, which nearly produced a deal-breaking setback. You get the idea.

What they didn't do was think of the fans as a sort of dewy-eyed romantic partner, working toward a solution in order to keep from having the Cam Ward jersey-wearing fanatics from sitting in their bedrooms and writing wistful Facebook entries about how much they miss hockey. Because, to be blunt, they had no reason to, and there was no benefit to either side to do so. For the owners, the threat that the fans would abandon the sport if the lockout went on too long was actually leverage - hey, players, sure we're asking you to take a pay cut, but it beats what you'd make selling cars in Kitchener. And if the fans get too mad about missing their hockey, well, there might not be any league at all.  As for the players, holding fan desires over their own professional needs would have been a suicidal negotiating position.

And that, on a basic level, was how it should have been. What the players owe the fans is good effort on the ice, particularly for the paying customers. They're not the ones who initiated the lockout; they weren't the ones sitting on season ticket money; they're under no obligation to sacrifice part of their livelihoods to people who pay for their services - and that's what a ticket or an NHL Leaguepass is, payment for entertainment services - except as doing so makes those folks more likely to ultimately continue funding their profession.

That's not what was going to happen here, nor was it what was being asked for. Fans who don't understand that the lockout was about business - hundreds of millions of dollars' worth of business - and are mad that they didn't get the goo-goo eyes as the process went along are deluded and, dare I say it, self-important.

If they're really that upset, then they'll vote with their wallets. They won't come back to games, they won't buy jerseys, they won't listen on the radio or watch on TV. And maybe some - a few - will. (Note: If you're one of the numbskulls who is still mad at the players for striking, which they did not do, the sport may in fact be better off without you) But most won't. They may stay away for a few games; they may wave protest banners from their seats; they may wait a year before renewing tickets. But baseball and football and basketball have all shown: the diehards come back. They always come back.

Which, in the grand scheme of things, is exactly why there shouldn't have been consideration of the fans in the negotiations in the first place.

Friday, January 11, 2013

2012-2013 NFL Divisional Playoff Preview

There is not much sense in my writing a playoff preview when Mike Tanier has written http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/40916150:

This year, the Broncos kept nearly everything else the same, but replaced [a 235-pound] sack of topsoil with one of the five greatest quarterbacks in NFL history.

So go read that instead. We'll be here when you get back. Arguing over which NFL head coach is most like David Hume ("screw it, let's go down to the pub").

Best? Or Just Healthiest?

It's obvious that key injuries can critically affect NFL teams (see: the 2011 Indianapolis Colts, and by extension, the 2012 Indianapolis Colts).
Despite the example of the Colts, there's always a danger of overfitting injuries to team failure. Injuries to Brandon Weeden and Colt McCoy -- serious as they are -- didn't keep the Browns out of contention by themselves (there's a whole host of things keeping the Browns out of contention, and the three biggest are the Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers).
But right on the cusp of success you can see that a team's collective health can really make a difference. Let's look at an example from the AFC. We'll compare the Steelers (8-8, 7th place in the conference, did not make the playoffs) with the Bengals (10-6, 6th place, made the playoffs).
(Stats and numbers to follow. Fair warning.)
When the Steelers went on their season-ending 2-5 skid, starting with a loss to the Ravens in Week 11, they looked like the gonorrhea ward after a political convention. They never had fewer than 10 names on their injury report (except for week 17, when they won a meaningless game against the Browns with only ("only") 6 guys limping). The Steelers played just 2 games all year with a full roster. On average through the season, the Steelers injury report had 9.5 names on it every week. That's 18% of your guys out or playing hurt.
By contrast, look at the Bengals. They averaged 8.25 guys on the injury report every week, and during their season-ending 7-1 streak never had more than 10 names on the report (and 10 names only once, in week 10). Through the season the Bengals never had more than 2 guys out, and had 7 games with nobody out.
And let's not overlook the most critical position. The Steelers were without Ben Roethlisberger for 3 full games, while Andy Dalton played every game for the Bengals.
The Pittsburgh sports intelligentsia -- by which I mean the callers to all four of Pittsburgh's drive-time sports call-in shows -- are pretty convinced that Roethlisberger wasn't anywhere near 100% when he did get back in, and the team's 1-3 record after his return suggests that they may be on to something.
Were the injuries the only difference? Of course not. The Steelers won a game for which they had 12 guys out or hurt (against the Redskins in Week 8) while the Bengals lost a game in which they only had 5 names on the injury report (against the Broncos in Week 9). But they may have made the difference in the margins here.

Your Handy-Dandy Guide To the Guys Who Failed To Get Into the Hall of Fame Yesterday, Part 2

The players we examined yesterday, by and large, got votes.

The players we will examine today, by and large, did not. But, since we don't want them to feel left out, here goes:


Who: Sandy Alomar
Hall of Fame Case: Catcher for the teams of the Cleveland Renaissance. 6-time All Star, Gold Glove and Rookie of the Year winner. Brother Roberto is in the Hall, and the Hall loves brother acts (See: Waner, Lloyd)
Why He Didnt Get In: Broke down more often than Sally Field at the Oscars. Only a handful of seasons with 400+ ABs. Spent half his career as a backup, and that’s kind of missing the point of the Hall.

Who: Julio Franco
Hall of Fame Case: Machine-like hitter who excelled in his 20s, 30s and 40s, and who probably could still hit .270 with decent pop if he thought about it. Oldest position player to do, well, everything. 5 time Silver Slugger winner. OPS+ equals Craig Biggio’s.
Why He Didnt Get In: Didn’t hit enough home runs. Hall has a strict “no ageless death-warriors from the dawn of time” policy. Nobody’s convinced he’s not going to show up at spring training somewhere and win a job.

Who: David Wells
Hall of Fame Case: Pitched a perfect game. A better big game pitcher than Jack Morris.  Won more games than Catfish Hunter or Sandy Koufax. Ate three deserving Hall of Fame candidates whole while pitching in New York.
Why He Didnt Get In: Had an ERA over 4. Sweated all over Babe Ruth’s hat.

Who: Steve Finley
Hall of Fame Case: Star-caliber center fielder who popped over 300 home runs while playing in big parks. 
Why He Didnt Get In: Played with known juicer Ken Caminiti, had suspicious late-career power surge when he’d lost bat speed and started sitting dead red every pitch. Frequently confused with Chuck Finley, earning him the ire of voters who think the last few seasons of Burn Notice have sucked asphalt through a straw.

Who: Shawn Green
Hall of Fame Case: Slugging right fielder who won a Silver Slugger and a Gold Glove. Nice Jewish boy who could totally have been something useful, like an orthodontist, instead.
Why He Didnt Get In: Was referred to as “Beavis” by his manager in Toronto. His last year as a beast was at age 29. Still has time to become an orthodontist after all. 

Who: Aaron Sele
Hall of Fame Case: Former overhyped Red Sox prospect who had a nice run around the turn of the century. Once pitched in New York
Why He Didnt Get In: Because only one idiot voted for him, thank God.

Who: Jeff Cirillo
Hall of Fame Case: High-average infielder for Brewers and Rockies. 2 time All-Star. Once hit .326 two years running.
Why He Didnt Get In: Could only hit while playing for teams whose uniforms were purple, leaving him a lot of terrible seasons playing for Seattle, San Diego, Arizona and so forth. “Most comparable” player is Joe Randa. ‘nuff said.

Who: Jeff Conine
Hall of Fame Case: Nicknamed “Mister Marlin”. Is the most popular player in the history of the franchise, which, admittedly, ain’t saying much. Was once a national racquetball champion, and no one else in the Hall of Fame can say that. Was All-Star Game MVP one year. OK, I’m stretching.
Why He Didnt Get In: Being the archetypal Marlin still means you spent most of your career as a Marlin, and it’s not like there’s been a hell of a lot of competition. 

Who: Reggie Sanders
Hall of Fame Case: Sweet-hitting, smooth-fielding outfielder predicted to be the next Eric Davis. 300+ HR, 300+ SB. Only guy to have a 20+ HR season for 6 different teams. Set record with 10 RBI in 2005 NLDS. 
Why He Didnt Get In: Injuries put enough drag on his career that he never got the counting stats he needed. Lengthy journeyman phase obscured how good he was. Looks really goofy on his Upper Deck rookie card.

Who: Royce Clayton
Hall of Fame Case: Highly touted Giants prospect who hung around for a long time. 71st all time in strikeouts. If you’re not a pitcher, this is bad.
Why He Didnt Get In: Played until he was 37 and never had a league-average season with the bat. 

Who: Roberto Hernandez
Hall of Fame Case: Possibly the archetypal ‘90s reliever - racked up a bunch of saves for one team, then bounced around for a decade afterwards. Had an ERA of 0.00 in the playoffs at age 41. Saved more games than Joe Table, which is why he’s higher on the list.
Why He Didnt Get In: Spent three years in Tampa rocking the van art-quality Devil Rays uniforms. Was rarely good enough for anyone to want to keep him around for more than a season or two. Not even interesting enough to make fun of.

Who: Ryan Klesko
Hall of Fame Case: Ginormous masher for some pretty good Atlanta Braves teams. Didn’t immediately lose all his power when he went to San Diego. Stole a bunch of bases. Better than you remember.
Why He Didnt Get In: “Better than you remember” still doesn’t necessarily add up to “pretty good”.

Who: Todd Walker
Hall of Fame Case: Superb college ballplayer at LSU. Occasionally mistaken for Larry Walker by voters who haven’t actually covered baseball since Michael Dukakis had a bright future ahead of him.
Why He Didnt Get In: Very few people actually confused him with Larry Walker

Who: Rondell White
Hall of Fame Case: Power-and-speed outfielder for the Expos in the Tim Raines mold. 
Why He Didnt Get In: Had some power and some speed, but not a lot of either. “In the mold” is a nice way of saying “not as good as”.

Who: Jose Mesa
Hall of Fame Case: 321 saves and a 2nd-place finish in the Cy Young voting one year. Kept showing up as the closer for contending teams. Had a beard that would kill a man in Reno just to watch him die. Official nickname was “Joe Table”, which was awesome. Unofficial nickname was supposedly “Wild Turkey”, after his beverage of choice, which is also awesome, but in a different way. Had legendary beef with slick-fielding hobbit Omar Vizquel.
Why He Didnt Get In: Once, while I was watching a Phillies game, the ninth inning rolled around and Mesa marched out of the bullpen. My wife, who was watching the game with me and who knew almost nothing of baseball at the time, looked at the television in horror. “Is that Joe Table? Why are they sending in Joe Table? What did the other pitcher do wrong?”
I think that sums things up nicely.


Who: Woody Williams
Hall of Fame Case: The Toy Story movies were awesome. 
Why He Didnt Get In: That’s not pitching, it’s throwing with attitude. And not very hard.

Who: Mike Stanton
Hall of Fame Case: Saved 27 games in 1993, then stuck around for another decade and a half. Played for the Yankees, Red Sox and Braves, nailing the trifecta of Most Hated Teams with rare panache. 
Why He Didnt Get In: Giancarlo-who-used-to-be-Mike, maybe. Mike, no.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Your Handy-Dandy Guide To The Guys Who Didn't Get Elected to the Hall of Fame

As you no doubt know by now, the BBWAA successfully defended the Baseball Hall of Fame from the peril of possibly having to induct someone this year, and turned away the most star-studded class of candidates since the first one without allowing a single one to gain entry. As such, we here at Sportsthodoxy feel it is our duty to explain why each and every one of these bounders, cads and miscreants (or at least the top 20 votegetters) were denied entry. To wit:


Who: Craig Biggio
Hall of Fame Case: 3000 hits, rated one of the best 2Bs of all time by Bill James, excellent slash numbers, longevity and excellence at 3 key defensive positions, first ballplayer to wear full plate mail borrowed from Medieval Times in the batter’s box
Why He Didn’t Get In: Played with known steroid user Ken Caminiti early in his career and known steroid users Andy Pettite and Roger Clemens late in his career, when they could have shot his ass full of Captain America’s Super-Soldier Serum and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Had a really disgusting hat.

Who: Jack Morris
Hall of Fame Case: Most wins of any pitcher during the 1980s, one spectacular playoff start, extended streak of Opening Day starts largely built on incriminating pictures he had of his managers, the visceral loathing for his candidacy felt by baseball statheads which encourages the old-time contingent to talk him up just to put a dull stick in the nerds’ collective eye.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Wasn’t actually that good. A small but significant portion of the HoF voters can do math. 

Who: Jeff Bagwell
Hall of Fame Case: 449 home runs, largely compiled while playing in a home park slightly larger than Yosemite. Career OBP over .400. Career OPS+ of 149. Largest forearms of any human being since Ted Kluszewksi. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: Suspected of steroid use by sportswriters whose steroid-detecting supervision could possibly be put to better use replacing backscatter devices at airports around the country. Played with known juicer Ken Caminiti and had enormous forearms. Had the ugliest beard in baseball history, sort of a Gimli-by-way-of-Scott-Ian-from-Anthrax thing going. 

Who: Mike Piazza
Hall of Fame Case: Greatest offensive catcher of all time, bar none. Best 62nd round draft pick of all time, bar none. Better at defense than people remember, escaped playing for the Marlins after only 18 ABs
Why He Didn’t Get In: Lingering suspicion of PED use, fueled largely by Larry David soundalike Murray Chass’ disturbing fascination with Piazza’s back acne. Enduring hatred of the blonde dye job he sported temporarily that made him look like Bill Pullman in Ruthless People.

Who: Tim Raines
Hall of Fame Case: Second greatest leadoff man of all time. 4 year stretch when he was the best player in baseball. 808 SBs, nearly 1000 RBIs as a leadoff guy, power, speed, defense. You name it.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Stubbornly continues to not be Ricky Henderson.

Who: Lee Smith
Hall of Fame Case: At one point, the all time leader in saves. Very, very large human being.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Nobody knows how to evaluate relievers. Is no longer career leader in saves. Has tested positive for non-dairy whipped topping on numerous occasions.

Who: Curt Schilling
Hall of Fame Case: One of the best big-game pitchers of all time. Multiple 300+ strikeout seasons. The bloody sock. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: Counting numbers aren’t that big, largely because he spent the first few years of his career with his head so far up his ass he couldn’t see the plate. Couldn’t keep his mouth shut if he dunked his lower jaw in concrete. Simultaneously borked his game company employees and the state of Rhode Island. Has a reputation as a L00t Ninja in World of Warcraft.

Who: Roger Clemens
Hall of Fame Case: 7 Cy Young Awards. An AL MVP as a pitcher. 3rd all time in ERA. 9th all time in wins. Come on, you know who this guy is.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Let a guy who’d be played by Steve Buscemi in the movie of his life jam PEDs into his and his wife’s butts. Threw a bat at Mike Piazza, not because he was roid raged out, but because he thought it looked like the ball. Gimmick-named his kids. Was a bigger diva than Brett Favre over the back half of his career. Had a head that looked like it fell off a mountain in New Hampshire.

Who: Barry Bonds
Hall of Fame Case: All time career HR champ. All time single season HR champ. Had a  Hall of Fame career in Pittsburgh, then went to San Francisco and played the NL like he was Bo Jackson and it was Tecmo Bowl. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: After years of HGH treatments, became the first chibi drawing to play Major League Baseball. Came across as such a titanic douchenozzle that he made Jeff Kent seem sympathetic. Target for crusty sportswriters eager to defend Hank Aaron’s honor while they conveniently forget they slagged Aaron to defend Babe Ruth’s honor. Did I mention his gigantic melon?

Who: Edgar Martinez
Hall of Fame Case: Best pure DH of all time. Insane rate stats, including a career OPS+ of 147. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: You read the letters “DH” up there, right? Didn’t get started in the majors until age 27 because Mariners management was enamored of the Minnie Minoso career path. Was not permitted to play defense for fear that his knee ligaments would explode out of his body and kill spectators sitting by the third base dugout.

Who: Alan Trammell
Hall of Fame Case: One of the best shortstops of all time. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: Got jobbed out of an MVP by George Bell in 1987. Wasn’t Barry Larkin or Cal Ripken, Jr. In voters minds’, joined at the hip to Lou Whitaker, who got bounced off the ballot faster than MLB makes new promotional caps.

Who: Larry Walker
Hall of Fame Case: Monstrously productive RF with speed, power and a cannon arm. OPS+ of 141. 5 time All-Star, 1-time MVP, 3 time Batting Average champ. Liked to give baseballs to small children.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Short career, frequently injured. Once ran into known steroid user Ken Caminiti in a bar and they exchanged manscaping tips. Played in Colorado back when the Rockies home field was Moon Base Alpha, and had home-road splits like Napoleon invading Russia. Was fond of giving baseballs to small children when there weren’t 3 outs yet.

Who: Fred McGriff
Hall of Fame Case: 493 home runs while staying indisputably clean. Frighteningly consistent, impeccable reputation for being a good teammate. Did those Tom Emanski instructional videos, the baseball equivalent of a Carvel “Fudgie the Whale” ad. 
Why He Didn’t Get In: Didn’t rack up the counting numbers of the guys who were theoretically juicing and thus is theoretically not worthy. Yes, the logic makes my head hurt, too.

Who: Dale Murphy
Hall of Fame Case: Multiple MVPs while playing center field. 7 time All Star, 5 time Gold Glover, Clemente Award winner. So clean he squeaked while he took batting practice. One of the 3 best players in the NL from 1980-1987. Could apparently eat everything in a restaurant except the rotating display cases and never gain a pound.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Forgot how to hit the way the Mel Brooks character in The Muppet Movie forgot how to say anything except “Ribbit”, once 1988 rolled around. Counting numbers aren’t up to the theoretically inflated standards of the steroid guys. Last few seasons were so bad, he was once traded for Jim Vatcher. Shared a rookie card with Bo Diaz.

Who: Mark McGwire
Hall of Fame Case: Hit a lot of very long home runs. Broke Roger Maris’ single season HR record. Helped, with Sammy Sosa, rescue baseball from the post-strike doldrums by hitting a lot of very long home runs. Most prolific HR hitter in history, based on ABs/HR. Did I mention the home runs.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Was outed as a PED user by Jose Canseco, who was presumably jealous that McGwire was hanging out with the cool kids in St. Louis while Jose was bouncing fly balls off his head in the Atlantic League. Batting averages at the end of his career were miserable; after 1990 had very little idea what to do with the leather thing on the end of his hand when he wasn’t batting. I did mention the steroids, yes?

Who: Don Mattingly
Hall of Fame Case: Was really good for a couple of years. Played for the Yankees. That’s about all I’ve got.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Was only good for a couple of years. After a back injury, lost his power faster than the Tunisian government. Neither counting nor rate stats add up. Titanic porn ‘stache frightens some voters.

Who: Sammy Sosa
Hall of Fame Case: Only man with 3 60+ HR seasons. Over 600 HR. With Mark McGwire, helped rescue baseball from the post-strike doldrums by hitting a lot of very long home runs. Best reaction to having his corked bat explode since Graig Nettles. Refused to pee on command for noted journalistic wombat Rick Reilly, making him a hero to millions.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Steroids. Was perceived as a mediocre player who only got good because of the drugs, which completely ignores his early career, but, what the hell. Viewed as a clubhouse cancer late in his career, and sharp drop-off in productivity retroactively tainted his earlier work. Came in a close second to Bonds in the gigantic melon sweepstakes. Pioneered the concept of Manny being Manny before Manny did.

Who: Rafael Palmiero
Hall of Fame Case: 500 HR, 3000 hits
Why He Didn’t Get In: Got nailed for steroids after testifying to Congress that he didn’t use steroids, never mind tantalizing hints dropped by John Perotta that he was actually set up. Won the most ridiculous Gold Glove ever for a year when he hardly ever played the field. Did Viagra ads instead of Tom Emanski videos.

Who: Bernie Williams
Hall of Fame Case: Was a very good centerfielder on a Yankee team that won a lot of games. Was a Yankee. Played his home games in the Bronx. Etc.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Cratered in his age 34 season and refused to fade away gracefully. Counting stats aren’t quite there. Plays jazz guitar, and everyone hates jazz guitar.

Who: Kenny Lofton
Hall of Fame Case: 6 time All Star, 4 time Gold Glove winner. Was the mainstay of my fantasy baseball team for several years.
Why He Didn’t Get In: Was a basketball player in college, so didn’t really get started in the bigs until he was 25. Was never perceived as the best player on his team. May have been confused with Willie “Mays” Hayes from the movie Major League during his years in Cleveland.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

A Modest Proposal, Baseball HoF Edition

Currently, a player needs to have been retired for five (5) years to be eligible for induction into the Hall of Fame.
Many, many voters, having somehow not had sufficient time during those five (5) years between the last pitch and the ballot to determine whether a player was great or not, have publicly stated that they "need another year" to determine someone's worthiness, or want to "wait a year" to figure out their vote or "don't think anyone should ever go in on the first ballot".
Therefore, I propose that eligibility be shifted back to six (6) years after retirement. That will give those writers who are unable to make up their minds about someone's career in five (5) years that extra one (1) year they so clearly need. And, since no one will ever be going in after a mere five (5) years of retirement, no future inductees will stand a chance of outdoing the Hall of Fame voting feats of the various greats already enshrined there, thus rendering happy those voters who could not stand to see modern players get in five (5) years with possibly more votes than players of old.
Also, as numerous players (c.f. Morris, Jack) appear to have gotten significantly greater at playing baseball since they retired and stopped playing baseball, pushing the vote back one (1) year will allow them to acquire even more greatness than if they were being voted on after a mere five (5) years. With that in mind, one might even consider pushing the first ballot back to ten (10) years, or, in a more extreme version of the proposal, until the player has gone on to their final reward, thus ensuring that in their posthumous state, they have achieved maximum greatness and can no longer accrue greater levels of being great, being a winner, pitching to the score, or being feared (with the standard caveat that should the zombie apocalypse occur, the last value is subject to change).
This we, the staff of Sportstodoxy, humbly submit for your consideration.

In South Philly, General Franco Is Still Dead

According to a story over at MLB Trade Rumors, the Phillies are done making moves for now.
One might conceivably argue, after looking at an offseason whose big prizes were Ben Revere, the zombified remains of Michael Young, and John Lannan, that the appropriate response was "how could you tell?"

Monday, January 07, 2013

Sportsthodoxy Guide to the 2013 ESPN MNF Booth

With reports that Ray Lewis has signed a contract to be a part of the ESPN 2013 Monday Night Football broadcast team, we at Sportsthodoxy Central decided you might need some assistance telling the difference between Ray and current MNF color commentator Jon Gruden.


Jon GrudenRay Lewis
Height5'9"6'1"
2000 AFC ChampionshipLostWon
BuseyficationLooks suspiciously like Gary BuseyActs suspiciously like Gary Busey
Super Bowl Rings11
Children36
Sainted Despite...winning the Super Bowl with somebody else's team, against his old team, which was still using his old playbook...maybe killing a couple of dudes
Enormityheadego
Hobbiesdancing with head coaching job offerspregame fireworks dancing
Drink Every Time He Says"They're running a cover-two, man-under""The bottom line is..."
Crazylooks like a psychopathic toymay have killed a couple of dudes

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Great Moments In Sports Journalism, NHL Lockout Edition

From the ESPN.com story about the end of the NHL lockout:

The negotiating process -- which began in June but intensified when the league submitted its first proposal July 13 (one the players found almost universally insulting) -- has been marked by episodes of mistrust, missteps and a significant amount of enmity between the two sides.
There were times players felt disrespected and underestimated, and that their willingness to make concessions went unreciprocated.
On the flip side, the NHL was quick to express, both outright and through back-channel avenues, its lack of trust for Fehr and what it felt were his "negotiating tactics."
So, let me get this straight: The owners locked out the players, starting this whole mess. They submitted unworkable proposals, they refused to make concessions even when the NHLPA was willing, and they slagged their negotiating "partners" - who, after all, are the actual product they're in the business in. But they didn't like Don Fehr, presumably because he stood up for his clients as per his job description, so it's all even.

Those of us with any sort of formal writing training call this "false equivalence". It's a rhetorical trick that lets you present equal sides of an argument with supposedly equal weight, and it's about as intellectually honest as a debate about baldness at the Trump residence. For God's sake, the last round of blowups at the negotiations were about how the NHL would be forced to do its accounting if they got caught hiding revenue. In other words, both sides had already conceded the fact that the owners were going to try to screw the players and evade the basic tenet of the CBA - they were just arguing over what to do once the owners got caught.

But they didn't trust Fehr. And that makes everything they did, presumably, better - at least to their future negotiating partners at ESPN.

The Stanton Rumors

For a team that's not talking about trading Giancarlo Stanton, the Marlins sure are talking to a lot of teams about Giancarlo Stanton. As of today you can add the Padres to the list, with the San Diego front office no doubt entranced by the idea of adding someone to their lineup who can hit it out of Yosemite, never mind Petco.
To even the casual observer, this makes no sense. The stated goal of the Marlins' offensive salary dump was to load up on prospects to build another contending team; Stanton would still be under team control when those prospects (hopefully) matured. He's locked in, he's relatively inexpensive, he's a transcendent talent, and he's the only thing on that team worth watching now that the Smeagol-like Jeffrey Loria has quick-kicked on all of his free agent signings and muzzled Logan Morrison's Twitter account. To trade him now for prospects would be to punt the 2013 season; to trade him now for major league talent would no doubt add unacceptably to the payroll Loria's worked so very hard to flense. (And that's leaving aside the near-impossibility of getting back an equivalent package of talent and youth).
Hell, even if Loria's now looking to sell - having slashed payroll and paid himself nicely - trading a marketable superstar like Stanton would only make the team less appealing as a purchase target.
Which leaves only one possibility: spite. Stanton was visibly and publicly upset when half his locker room got traded out from under him. Maybe this is Loria's way of showing Stanton - and the fans, who dared criticize the Great Man when his transparent swindle of the taxpayers of Miami became apparent - who's boss. Don't like it, suckers? Tough. You're already on the hook for the stadium, even if the guys running out to play in it would lose a seven game series to the '78 Expos - and those guys are all in their sixties. Don't like it, Stanton? Get ready for endless months, if not years, of being jerked around, of having no stability and being the subject of constant speculation.
And that, I think, rings the most true. The Marlins aren't going to trade Giancarlo Stanton, not for a good long while yet. But they are going to jerk him around, to dangle him in rumors hither and yon, to punish him for daring to disagree with the Great And Powerful Oz. It seems entirely in character, and entirely detached from the ostensible purpose of a baseball team, which is to say winning games.
But this is Loria, and we already know how all his stories end. With him getting what he wants, with others ponying up for the privilege of getting screwed by this schnook, and with good players on the next train out of town. It's just too bad for Stanton that his train won't be coming until Loria decides he's learned his lesson.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Things I Think About Baseball Hall of Fame Voting

If you are a sportswriter and you are suffering a deep existential moral crisis over whether to vote for Mike Piazza because Murray Chass claims he had zits on his back, you need to take a deep breath, step back, and turn on the news - the real news - for about fifteen minutes. After you watch reports of the fighting in Syria, the drug war enveloping Mexico, the increasingly gloomy news about what exactly elevated CO2 levels are doing to our planet, and the fact that somebody thinks that Allen West is a worthwhile spokesman for any point of view other than "batshit insane", then ponder the agonies you have put yourself through over Piazza's back zits.
If, at that point, you still feel you must stretch yourself on Procrustes' column inches to declare the horrors of voting for the Hall of Fame, give it up. Voting for the Hall is a privilege and an honor, and most important of all, it's supposed to be a positive thing. It's a chance to honor players you thought were great and celebrate their achievements. Enjoy that. Have fun with it. Revel in your good memories of Jeff Bagwell or Eric Davis or whoever. But for pity's sake, don't turn every ballot into a road show production of Antigone.
Because that takes the fun out of the Hall of Fame, and it makes you look like a self-important ass. And neither of those is what the fans want to see.

***

What's largely missing from the ongoing Hall debates is joy - joy in the fact that the verb attached to baseball is "play", that what we're hopefully celebrating in Cooperstown is a body of work of play that we as fans, regardless of whether we view RBIs as esoteric numerical magic or think Nate Silver is OK as a starter statistician, cherish. Are there guys in the Hall whose body of work, I think, doesn't merit them being in there? Absolutely. Jim Rice? Loved getting the guy's baseball cards when I was a kid, but Dale Murphy was better and he ain't in there. But then again, undeserving guys have been getting in for ages - there's one too many Waners in there - and the world hasn't ended, and baseball hasn't exploded like the Death Star, and the game has gone on. Jim Rice getting elected to the Hall of Fame has absolutely zero effect on my enjoyment of watching David Price. All it means is that there's one more plaque I won't linger over too long if I ever make it to Cooperstown.

***

The debate over steroids - who used them, who didn't, who might have used them - is, I think, laughably misplaced. Yes, steroids and HGH and other stuff got used. And it got used by everyone. Stars, LOOGYs, guys fighting to hang onto the 25th spot on a roster and guys signing seven-year contracts. Yes, guys putting up fat numbers might have used, but so did the guys they were playing against, from the cleanup hitters to the mop-up men. Read the Mitchell Report names. Nobody ever "feared"Adam Riggs coming to the plate. If you're going to penalize these guys for being enhanced, then give them credit for pitching and hitting and fielding against guys who were similarly enhanced. Don't save the moralizing for the guys who were bad interviews, recognize the context and move on.

***

My entirely made up HOF ballot looks like this:

Bagwell
Raines
Bonds
Clemens
Piazza
Trammell
McGwire
Sosa
Biggio
Trammell

Ask me tomorrow and I'd maybe swap out Sosa for Walker. Or Palmiero. Or McGriff. Or, in a moment of weakness, Dale Murphy. But I'd rather celebrate just about anyone on the ballot and the pleasure I got watching them than mean-spiritedly abuse the percentages, turn in a blank ballot, and keep everyone out rather than risk someone I didn't like getting in.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Guest Post: Fix The NBA's Youth Problem

Guest post today from my brother, Sean Kiley:


I’m not a big college basketball fan. I watch during the conference tournaments and the NCAA tournament, and that’s about it. (Northwestern Pennsylvania is not exactly a Division-I hotbed.) I was struggling to figure out why I didn’t enjoy a sport that I love the professional version of, and I figured part of it out: college basketball games on TV all look the same. Seriously. They all play the same up and down the court offense with little variation. Defense is marginal at best.

I'm not helped by the fact that I don’t have the slightest idea who the players are, since anyone who is any good is gone to the NBA after a season. There’s no time to get to know the players like we could when I was a kid, and Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon stayed at Houston, or Jordan and Worthy at UNC, or Laettner at Duke. It just doesn’t happen anymore. It’s to the point now where a player sticks around until his senior year, and you think to yourself “What’s his limitation? If he was any good, he’d have come out after his freshman or sophomore season.”

Very few of the players who come out early are instant stars in the NBA (there are a few, to be sure) but most would benefit from staying in college until they were a little bit more seasoned. There aren’t many who could succeed more at the age of 19 than they do at 18. There’s really not that much of a physical difference. They get to the NBA and have to get used to the more physical nature of the game. Basketball people call it “seasoning.” I just think that the kids would be better suited going to school for a few more years then sitting on the end of the bench for Sacramento watching them get blown out by Oklahoma City.

I have a solution!

The NBA needs to do what Major League Baseball does: You can declare for the draft right out of high school, and if you get drafted, you go pro, if they pay enough. If not, and you turn down the money and the pros, and decide to go to college, you have to stay in college for at least three years. (I’m not sure if there are redshirts in D-I. If so, then the redshirt year counts. I would think that it wouldn’t matter because anyone who was going to come out after their junior year would be good enough that the coach wouldn’t redshirt them. I digress.) Following your junior year, if you decided to come out, your original drafting team forfeits their rights to you. This rule would also mean that if a player leaves college after a year or two and goes, say, to Europe or China, they would have to wait until they would have been a junior to return to the US to play in the NBA.

This of course, would have to pass the muster of the NBA owners and David Stern, who would probably hate it because it wasn’t his idea, and he’s the most sinister commissioner in sports. (Goodell is the most power-mad, Selig the most senile, Bettman the most incompetent, and Stern the most sinister.) If the NBA and NCAA could get together and do that, I would definitely watch college basketball in February when the football season ends, instead of wishing there was hockey or waiting until baseball starts.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I-G-G-L-E-S

So the Eagles finally won one a couple of weeks back.

This is nice, in that people can stop tittering over the fact that until this past weekend, the Phillies had won more recently than the Boids had. It's been a terribly shocking year for Eagles fans, who expected that this year - THIS YEAR - was going to be the return to playoff glory. I mean, sure, last year was mainly a horror show of blown leads and late game three-and-outs, but there were plenty of reasons for it: new coordinators, injuries, the lockout preventing the Iggles from getting needed training camp time to learn new systems, you name it. This year, with a full training camp and coordinators settled into their roles, was going to be different. Michael Vick was going to be a beast. Andy Reid was going to learn clock management. DeSean Jackson and LeSean McCoy were going to run wild. The defense was going to, well, defend.
In truth, not so much. The successful Andy Reid teams of the Donovan McNabb era relied on two things: a monster of a middle linebacker and an O-line good enough to buy time for the short passing game. The Eagles haven't had a kaiju in the middle since Jeremiah Trotter, and the combination of an injury-depleted line and a quarterback who was never great at reading coverages in the first place meant that this year was doomed from the beginning. The nailbiter wins in the early going might have been fun, but despite a few exciting skill players, this was never going to be a good team.
Maybe Nick Foles is the future. Maybe he's just another A.J. Feeley. Who knows. What we can say we know at this point, though, is that the Andy Reid era's definitively over. It's been a fun ride, with a lot of success, but everything hits its expiration date. Even at his best, Andy had his weaknesses - clock management, curious play calling that got stars injured during blowouts, more clock management - and they leached the reservoir of fan goodwill that might have sustained his regime through a rebuilding phase. So at this point, it's a question of looking for bright spots in the wreckage of the season and trying to determine if they're optical illusions.
And next year will be better. Maybe.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Saw The Hobbit...

...was firmly convinced that the Eagles were going to fumble Gandalf, Thorin and Bilbo, too.

DickeyBird

So the deed is done. The cash-strapped Mets, unwilling or unable to pay a below-market extension for their Cy Young Award-winning ace, shipped him off to Toronto for a haul of prospects and one overpriced, lumpen catcher. (I had John Buck on my roto team last year. I'm still bitter. Can you tell?)
But more than that, they made sure, before they shipped him out of town, to try to make him look like an ass. Suddenly, media sources reported, R.A. Dickey wasn't liked in the clubhouse. He was too interested in the media. He broke clubhouse code by mentioning a teammate did something dumb in his book. He - gasp - answered questions about his contract situation honestly when asked about it by the media at a team event. He was too interested in his sudden celebrity.
Oddly enough, none of these issues when he was picking up a broke-ass train wreck of a team and putting it on his back. Or when he was being celebrated for the brutal honesty in his autobiography about issues of abuse. Or when he was climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro for charity, cheerfully tweeting all the while. Or when he was giving interviews before his contract situation became A Thing. Or....
You get the idea. For whatever reason the Mets refused to meet Dickey's (in context) reasonable contract demands, and then tried to make him look like the bad guy so their fans wouldn't riot when they shipped him out of down. Because, really, devaluing your trade chip always works, and so does suddenly slagging the guy you've spent years building up.
Look, none of us actually know R.A. Dickey. Maybe we got caught up in the fun of a guy who named his bats after the magic swords in The Hobbit, and didn't realize he called his three outfielders Bifur, Bofur and Bombur. Maybe he did enjoy the fabulous book tour scene (note: Book tours, not actually fabulous) more than the Mets felt was proper. Maybe all he should have said at the Mets' holiday party when cornered by the reporters the team had invited was "Look! Santa!", and then run.
But for three years, Dickey has been unfailingly polite, gracious, humble and engaging. That these stories would come out juuuust when he and the Mets were at a contract impasse is more than just suspicious. It makes the Mets look like schmucks.
If you weren't going to pay the man, that's one thing, and that's fine. But to try to sully his name in what can only be described as spin more hamhanded than the right side of the Mets' infield defense, that's crossing a line. It's going to make players less interested in coming to play for the Mets when there are comparable dollars available elsewhere. It's going to make fans suspicious of anything coming out of the front office because, hey, wait, they said this guy was great and then they said he was a jerk. And it's going to make the rest of us even less likely to give the Mets the benefit of the doubt because, well, screw those guys.
And in the meantime, R.A. Dickey can pack his Cy Young award and head to Toronto, with a team behind him that's interested in winning and not largely composed of emergency AAA callups. I'm guessing that whatever names the Mets call him on the way out of town are going to get drowned out by cheers.

Sunday, December 09, 2012

In Other News, General Franco Is Still Dead

One of the evening radio hosts on ESPN said something the other night that may in fact be the funniest thing I've heard in ages. (I can't tell you which host, as they all sound alike to me. The lone exception is Colin Cowherd, whose instantly identifiable adenoidal self-righteousness can best be described as sounding like Stan Ridgway's bratty, annoying younger brother. But I digress).
And what he said, in the middle of a discussion of Lakers coach Mike D'Antoni refusing to pull center Dwight Howard from obvious hacking situations, was a howl of disbelief, that D'Antoni would theoretically put Howard's ego/state of mind/need to be on the court to actually score ahead of the team! Never mind that having a functional All-Star center is about the best thing for the team imaginable. "When," the host huffed, "did one player become more important than the team?"
Right about then is when I nearly swerved into oncoming traffic because I was laughing too hard to drive. Because the answer to that shocked, horrified question is: always. When did the needs of the superstar outweigh the mythological notion of team? Ask Michael Jordan. Or coach-killers like Kobe...and Magic. Ask Barry Bonds about the throne in the locker room, or Roger Clemens about picking his start date and not having to go on road trips. Ask Brett Favre about, well, anything. Or Babe Ruth about "too many hot dogs" or Mickey Mantle about the press covering up his horndogging or, well, you get the idea. It's always been that way, and for a radio jock to ask us to believe he is shocked - SHOCKED - at gambling going on in this establishment is like asking us to be shocked that the crew from Finding Bigfoot did not, in fact, find Bigfoot in any given episode.
Outrage grabs ears. Fake outrage needs to at least have the semblance of believability to it, or it just sounds ludicrous. Guess which this is.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The News You Pay For

Courtesy of ubercommenter Old Gator over at Hardball Times, here's a look at the way in which local media was in bed with Loria over the Marlins' stadium situation.

But remember, ownership took all the risk.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Things I'm Thankful For (2012 Sports Edition)


  • For Vin Scully continuing to call Dodgers games
  • For Mike Trout going over the wall to make a catch
  • For Tony LaRussa finally getting the hell out of the dugout
  • For Grinnell - even if it's for just one night, under highly artificial circumstances - being the lead story on SportsCenter
  • For the return of the great baseball beards. Prince, Sergio, guys - the Al Hrabosky fans of the world remember and love you for it.
  • For Duke losing to Lehigh in the NCAA tournament
  • For post-race NASCAR pit row fights, which top even baseball brawls in their ridiculousness
  • For the chance to see the AAA championship game, even if it was a beatdown of epic proportions
  • For major leaguers coming through minor league towns on rehab assignments
  • For the way the Oakland A's won the AL West, and the guys they won it with
  • For the work of writers like Craig Calcaterra, Joe Posnanski, Keith Law, and many others
  • For the fact that Don Fehr has work that isn't in baseball
  • For those random moments when people occasionally shut up about steroids and just watched the damn games
  • For MLB picking a good song as their postseason anthem
  • For the slow, slow steps towards trying to do something about concussions in sports, which are a damn sight better than the fast, fast coverups that used to be out there
  • For Toronto Blue Jays fans having hope for a change
  • For Tim Tebow sitting on the bench
  • For the guys getting off it
  • And for having the chance to yammer about this stuff occasionally to  you guys.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Second in Line for the Beatdown

The funny thing about picking on the fat kid (or the smart kid, or the small kid) in school is that there's always the chance the fat kid's going to move away. And when he does, the bullies and the opportunists and the sadists never seem to pack up and say "Oh, well, now that he's gone we might as well behave." No, they look around for the second-fattest kid, or the second-smartest, or the second-smallest, and they make that kid the new target.
Congratulations, ACC. You're the second-fattest kid.
For years, you've been trying desperately to hang with the cool kids in major conference college sports by pillaging the nerd conference to your north, the Big East. BC, Miami and Virginia Tech. Pittsburgh and Syracuse. Notre Dame. And all the while crowing about how you were proactive, how you'd strengthened yourself, how you were immune to the cherry-picking that was going on across the country because you were ahead of the curve.
And then today, the Big 10(ish) made it rain all over College Park, and Maryland left. Left despite there being a $50M penalty for walking out of the ACC - that's how much extra money is on the table for someone who joins the Leaders & Legends of the Rust Belt, that even with the $50M cover charge, it's still worth it. Worth it to the Big 10, which gets a foothold in a major eastern television market (and another one with Rutgers) and a corresponding boost in revenues to the Big 10 Network. Worth it to Maryland, which had to kill seven sports this year because of athletic department budget shortfalls. In other words, this was a no-brainer for the Terps, and the alumni and the talk radio hosts howling today about the loss of tradition had better understand that. (They'd also better understand that the glorious ACC tradition they loved so much had already been thoroughly trampled by importing football programs wholesale into their basketball conference, bloating their conference tourney, and exploding their schools' travel budgets for varsity sports by including trips to Miami and Boston.)
But if you ask me, this is only the beginning. Maybe they raid the Big East one more time to replace the Terps, filling the hole with Connecticut. But UConn football's not worth the add, and UConn basketball's no sure thing in the post-Jim Calhoun era, either. And in the meantime, the sharks are circling. There's rumors of Florida State being on the Big 12's radar. Of Clemson going to the SEC. Of North Carolina - venerable Chapel Hill, as ACC as ACC gets - going to the Big 10 when that behemoth rouses itself to fill out a roster of 16.
Maybe Louisville's left as a viable acquisition target in the Big East. Maybe UConn. But that's it. And when the biggest nerd is down for the count, it's the next in line that becomes the target.
Congratulations, ACC. It's your turn.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

All of Jeffrey Loria's Risks

So the Marlins have traded their two best starters, their All-Star shortstop, their super-utility guy, and their catcher (who, to be fair, offers slightly less value than a used La-Z-Boy recliner but makes a lot of money) to Toronto for some prospects, some kids, and a no-hit shortstop who's yakked his way out of two of the most laid-back situations in the majors (with a side of homophobic eyeblack). With this move, the Marlins have dropped their payroll to about $16M, or as we like to call it, "Ruben Amaro Jr's Idea of a Bargain Starting Pitcher" a year after opening a publicly funded ballpark that cost taxpayers such an obscene amount of money that I can't even type it. (Yes, I know it's supposed to be paid for by taxes on tourists. Except, of course, it never quite works like that - check out the Florida General Fund shenanigans and you'll get the idea).
Now, it is vaguely - vaguely defensible to say that the Marlins realized they weren't going to win anything with their current core, and shipped it off for good pieces. Which would be reasonable if A)they had given said core more than about half a season together B)they hadn't spent like drunken sailors at last year's winter meetings, swearing up and down that this time they really were going to put a competitive team on the field and they weren't backloading the contracts they were handing out so they could ditch the Heath Bells of the world before they got expensive C)they got back anything like a reasonable approximation of talent for all the talent they were shipping away and D)they hadn't pulled this crap multiple times before. No, to even the least cynical eyes out there (which excludes Jon Heyman), this is an obvious cash grab, a cynical rollback of the people Gollum-like team owner Jeffrey Loria used to soak his business partners and his municipality for giant gobs of filthy lucre the second it was possible for him to do so. (This article at Fangraphs lays out nicely how Loria got caught with his hand in the revenue-sharing cookie jar, how he was under the gun for three years, and how he went berserk with the sell-off as soon as the heat was off)
Smarter people than me have been all over the business aspects of this (starting with the estimable Maury Brown, here) and precisely how this whole scenario (back-loaded contracts, anyone? No no-trade clauses?) was always designed to funnel cash away from the product on the field. And that's really what this comes down to, right? Pulling money away from the product on the field - the team, the thing people are theoretically coming to see, the business that this turkey is supposedly engaged in - and into personal revenue. And you can spare me the arguments of "well, they weren't winning with those guys, might as well try to win without them" - when you've got most of the pieces in place, you add the missing one or two, you don't tear the whole thing down instantly. Last year's Marlins were basically a couple of bullpen arms and a few health breaks away from being beasts; they were not the hapless train wreck (except in the dugout) that Loria apologists are describing. No, the team was always an excuse, and that's all.
I'm sure there are folks out there applauding the move from a strictly business sense. I mean, hey, you have to respect the business acumen that turns so little personal investment into so much personal profit, right? Cheers to Loria for using baseball to make money, and why should we hate the guy for being successful.
Except, of course, it's not that clean. Yes, he grabbed an immense profit. Good for him. But to do so, he damaged the business models of his industry and his partners. He damaged the brand of baseball - the notion that the hometown nine is actually trying to win, which is at the core of the game's appeal. He salted the earth of what should be one of the most baseball-friendly markets in America by putting it on the hook for $2.4B in stadium costs while failing to deliver on any of the promises that came with the project, and he alienated the fan base - the customers - with his blatant disregard for the on-the-field product. He took $300M of his partners' money and redirected it to himself. He altered the competitive balance of the game - NL owners are by all accounts pissed that the other NL East teams get extra games against a AAA squad next year. All of this speaks to immense damage to the long-term prospects of the business, weighed against a short-term cash grab. So no, it's not good business, it's just a case of gimme now and damn the torpedoes, and screw the rest of you in the process.
And I read this, and I think of, of all things, hockey, and the NHL lockout. I think about the owners there demanding a unilateral rollback of all the stuff they agreed to last go round. I think about all the apologists who claim that the owners should be getting All The Monies because they take All The Risks. And I think about an owner in Miami, who got the city to pay for his stadium, who got his business partners to pay him $300M to stay in business, who deliberately ran his franchise into the ground for a cynical bout of profit-taking, and who will make another enormous profit once the league finally gins up the courage to make him sell. And I wonder, what risk, exactly, did he take?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dear #18

Hey Peyton!

I was just wondering something.

You own 21 Papa John's franchises now. That's cool. It's a smart way to help make sure that, unlike many of your peers, you continue to earn money after you retire.  And I am guessing that the recent legalization of pot in Colorado will do wonders for your sales volume.

But your partner, "Papa" John Schnatter, recently announced that he'll be docking his employees' hours in order to keep them ineligible for newly federally-mandated healthcare coverage.

I know that franchisees have a lot of control over the stores that they operate, in any industry.  So I was just curious whether you were planning to dock your employees' hours to keep them ineligible for federally-mandated healthcare coverage.

I know that you donated money to Fred Thompson's exploratory committee back in '07, but, I don't know, Fred was always kind of a goofy guy, I don't think anyone would hold that against you.  And your recent donations have all been to Republicans, but that's fine. You're allowed to hold political views, after all. I'm sorry your support for Dick Lugar didn't work out.

I know you have a personal brand as kind of a good-natured, friendly guy.  I wonder what kind of impact it would have to the Peyton Manning Brand for you to dock minimum-wage employees' hours to keep them from having affordable healthcare. Probably not so good.

Honestly it would be kind of dickish. I hope you don't do it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Having Had Our Phil

Dear Phil Jackson:

Look, I know you only like coaching teams with transcendent talent already lined up and waiting for you, but wearing the Phantom half-mask and lurking in the Staples Center steam tunnels while singing "Help me fire Mike Brown Thursday Night" is a bit much. The sad truth of the matter is, Mike D'Antoni is probably a better fit for this Lakers team than you are. Yes, there's Kobe, and there's Dwight, and there's Nash and Gasol, and yes, they are remarkable players. What they are not, however, are any combination of young, healthy, or suited to run the triangle offense. D'Antoni's offense, as frenetic as it is, matches Steve Nash's skill set and tendencies a lot better than trying to force him into the triangle. For God's sake, D'Antoni made Jeremy Lin look like a world-beater. You nailed Steve Kerr's feet to the three point line.
And there's one other thing: this team, even when it gets all its weapons back, is not going to win another championship. It's too old and too fragile, there's too much competition, and Miami's still better. So really, Phil, it's for the best. You don't reduce your legacy by going out with a team that won't bring home the basketball-onna-stick that is the O'Brien Trophy. (Bring that thing to Carolina, and we'll batter dip it and deep fry it before anyone notices). The memory of you that remains is undiminished, and when D'Antoni inevitably fails with this bunch (though he will make it exciting, and come close, and fill seats), you can nod your bearded head sagely, and let reporters tell you they should have hired you instead, and gently disengage the metaphorical parking brake on the bus(s) as it rolls downhill toward D'Antoni.