Your NBA Playoff Narratives

There are two possible outcomes of the NBA playoffs:

1-The Cleveland Cavaliers win the championship.
2-The Cleveland Cavaliers do not with the championship.

Regime Change In Miami

What, me, manage?

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria has fired his manager, well-regarded former catcher Mike Redmond, and replaced him with team GM Dan Jennings.

This is, in a word, insane. Jennings hasn't managed since he was wrangling high school kids in the 80s, and while I'm not a huge fan of the "you had to play the game to know how to coach it" school of thought, there are limits. This has the potential to get very ugly, very fast, especially if the clubhouse tunes out the suit who's sitting where Redmond used to  be. (Then again, he's the GM and he negotiates contracts. Maybe we'll see massive sucking up instead.)

Touchy About Feeley

You can pretty much anticipate the reaction of sports fans to any piece of news to come down the pike. At this point, the data set is large enough and the behaviors visible enough that you can generally skip the story and already know what the comments sections are going to be like.

Tulo Can You Go

This is not a news story:

"Troy Tulowitzki set to talk with his agent about whether or not to demand a trade".

The Sounds of Deflategate's Aftermath

The following are the sounds of the Tom Brady suspension:

(Brady, for those of you living on Mars, has been suspended for four games next season for his role in "Deflategate". In addition, the New England Patriots have been fined a million dollars and stripped of two draft picks, a #1 in 2016 and a #4 in 2017. And the two Patriots employees who carried out the nefarious plan have been suspended indefinitely without pay, but they don't actually play football so nobody appears to care about them. But I digress.)

"IT'S NOT FAIR THE LEAGUE HAS IT OUT FOR US BECAUSE WE'RE SO AWESOME" - The sound of the New England Patriots fan, who is constitutionally incapable of admitting that Tom Terrific or indeed any of his heroes could ever possibly conceive of ever possibly doing any possible thing ever wrong - unlike those mooks who play for the Jets, who are just the scum of the Earth. Until they come play for the Patriots, at which point they're awesome. Until they leave to go back to play for the Jets again.

About the Bout

The Mayweather-Pacquiao fight was proof that boxing's time is over. The American sporting landscape is no longer interested in watching two men brutalize each other in largely uninteresting shoving matches artificially constrained by an esoteric set of rules. These days, the preference is for MMA, which offers watching two men (or women) brutalize each other in largely uninteresting shoving matches artificially constrained by an esoteric set of rules that reinforces the Gracie family dynasty, but which gives the impression of being wild and unconstrained.

NFL Draft Round 1 Thoughts

You remember how absolutely everyone was convinced that the Eagles were absolutely certain to trade Sam Bradford and a bunch of other cool toys to Cleveland to get Johnny Manziel and a bunch of #1 picks that they could then trade to Tennessee for the #2 overall pick except that Tennessee would also be getting Bradford and possibly free pony rides?

Yeah, me neither.