Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Secret Brett Favre Diaries, Part IV

August 2nd, 2008

Dear Diary, I am so not answering the phone today. Green Bay kept calling and calling and calling, and every time they wanted the same thing. How many times do I have to tell them, I’m not that kind of quarterback?

But you know what? Roger texted me! Guess who’s getting re-instated? And when I am, I’m going to where my old jersey with the grass stains and the mud and the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, just to show Green Bay what they would have been missing!

August 3rd, 2008

Green Bay sent me a box of chocolates and a check for $25M. I didn’t open the chocolates, ‘cause I’m saving them for the offensive linemen, but the note on the box said they were happy to have me back, and they’re hoping we can be together again. They even said my locker is waiting for me! I’m going to Green Bay right now!

God, so many text messages from Tampa Bay and the Jets. It’s like they don’t believe that Green Bay and I are back together for real. Losers.

August 4th

Aaron Rodgers is SUCH a BITCH! Oh, sure, he was saying all the right things like how he was looking forward to having me back and how much he respects me, but it was ALL a LIE! He wants my team, that two-timing system quarterback WHORE!

And Mike McCarthy says that I’m overreacting, and that there’s nothing there, and, and, and…I HATE THEM SO MUCH!

August 5th, 2008

Dear Diary, there are times when you just have to realize that it’s not going to work. Green Bay and I sat down and had a long talk about our relationship, and how we’ve grown and we’ve changed and handled salary cap situations, and it was pretty clear by the time we were done talking that our lives were taking us in different directions. But we agreed that we should be mature about this, and should work together to find the best solution for everyone, and that we don’t want this to be one of those breakups where it looks like Joe Namath in a Rams uniform, or anything like that. So I’m going to be mature about this. I’m going to take a deep breath, and listen to what Green Bay has to say, and see what happens next.

I got a fortune cookie once that said “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I wish I’d gotten that cookie today, cause it is, like, so true right now.

Huh. Another text message from the Jets. You know, they’ve actually kinda got a nice smile.

August 6th, 2008

Ooh! I am SO MAD! That’s so like the Packers, having a conversation with you one minute and then giving a press conference and telling the whole world about it the next. I thought it was just between us that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be their quarterback, but here’s Mikey McBlabbermouth telling EVERYONE just how I felt.

I mean, how can you trust an organization that’s going to do that to you? You share your deepest feelings, and your fears, and your hopes and your dreams, and they call a press conference. I could just die.

That does it. I am not going to practice for them, no sir. I’m flying home right now, and there’s nothing they can do to stop me. And when I get home, I’m going in my room and I’m putting on my music REALLY REALLY LOUD, and I’m not coming out even if they beg me. Which they will, because they’re, like, Green Bay, and that’s what they do.

So there.

PS-Tampa Bay didn't call me today. I am so over them.

August 7th, 2008

Dear Diary,

I think the Jets and I are going to be very happy together. It’s so nice to be with someone who really loves me and wants me and appreciates how special I am. And the best part is, I won’t have to throw out any of my green clothes.

Who’s the luckiest quarterback in the world? Me, diary. Me.

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