The Secret Brett Favre Diaries, Part III

July 27^th, 2008

I am so bummed. Minnesota called and said they can’t date me because, like, their Uncle Roger said that dating within the division is totally gross and if we got married and had running backs they’d have, like, nine heads or something.

July 28^th, 2008

I cannot believe the nerve! Green Bay called, and they told me that they would pay me not to come to training camp! That I should stay home and not go out and be happy.

Do I look like that kind of quarterback to you? Do I, diary? I don’t think so.

I am so applying for reinstatement.

July 29^th, 2008

Guess who’s re-in-sta-ted? Guess who’s re-instaaaaa-ted?

July 30^th, 2008

So, ummm, I’m not, like reinstated? At least, not yet. ‘Cause Minnesota's Uncle Roger hasn’t read the letter or something, which makes me mad, because I used my best stationery and everything. You know, the one with picture of the pony on the envelope that smells like strawberries? I love strawberries. I wonder if they’ll have them at training camp.

August 1^st, 2008

I woke up this morning and there was this weird noise outside. So I looked out my window, and there was Tampa Bay. And Tampa Bay was standing there with a CD player, and it was playing a song that I’d never heard before, but it was really pretty and all about my eyes, which was kind of weird, because you’d think Tampa Bay would want to talk about my arm or something.

Then the police came and chased Tampa Bay away because they were wearing a ratty raincoat and Mrs. Romanowski down the block thought they were a flasher or something.