July 2, 2008
Like, omigod, I hope this works. I gave Bus a note to give James Campen to give to Mike McCarthy to give to Ted Thompson to tell him I still totally think Green Bay is cute.
July 3, 2008
Green Bay got the note! Ted gave Mike gave James gave Bus a note to give back to me!
July 4, 2008
They said that Green Bay still thinks about me sometimes, but, like, that Green Bay has to be sure that I’m, like, really committed to making this work.
Whatever. Like they should ever have reason to doubt me. When I say I'm going to do something, I like totally do it.
July 5, 2008
Wow, Green Bay is, like, so persistent. They sent me another note, and some chocolate, and some flowers, and a Miley Cyrus CD with a note that says “WILL U BE R QUARTERBACK 4 SHUR?” Well, yeah, like I think so. I mean, what else am I going to do?
July 8th, 2008
So Green Bay called! And they asked the question. They asked if I was ready to dedicate myself one hundred percent to football.
And you know what I said, diary? You know what I told them?
I finally said “Yes!”
July 9, 2008
OMG, I am SO ANGRY! Green Bay called a press conference and told ALL THEIR FRIENDS that I had, like, tried to get back together with them, but that they had said NO/ That is, like, so unfair!
July 11, 2008
Fine. If they don’t want me, I don’t want them. You know who’s cute? Minnesota, that’s who’s cute. Chicago, that’s who’s cute. I’ll bet both of them would love a quarterback like me. And the best part is that Green Bay, like, totally hates them forever and stuff, so seeing me with one of them would drive Green Bay nuts!
July 12, 2008
Wow. Minnesota is REALLY cute.
July 13, 2008
Dear Diary, Minnesota called. I think I’m in love. They told me they’ve been watching me for years, and they think I’m totally hot at quarterback, and that they think they can make me happy!
I look good in purple, don’t you think? It doesn’t make my butt look big or anything.
July 14, 2008
And there I was at home totally thinking how hunky Minnesota is, and Greta called, and she said, “What’s up, Brett?” and I said, “like, nothing, but I’m really sad, you know” and she said “Why?” and I said “I’m so bummed that I broke up with Green Bay but, you know, I really couldn’t trust Ted Thompson any more,” and Greta said, “Like, why not?” and I said “Well, he asked me if I wanted to be his quarterback and when I said yes he said he’d moved on, and then I started thinking about all the times he didn’t make the personnel moves I asked him to or hire the coaches I wanted him to or put Coke Zero in the vending machines at Lambeau, and, you know, it was just really difficult to trust, you know?” and Greta said “Oh, I, like totally understand” and I said “You do?” and she said, “Oh yeah, like, totally.”
Greta’s my bestest friend ever.
July 16, 2008
Bus is so cool. He told everyone that Green Bay couldn’t have broken up with me because I haven’t even filed for reinstatement yet. I wish I could date someone just like Bus. Only not Bus. Cause that would be like dating my brother, or something.
July 17, 2008
OMG THEY’RE JEALOUS!
Green Bay was SO MAD today! They said they saw me talking to Minnesota and they totally freaked out over it!
They still care!
I should call them. But I can’t.
July 25th, 2008
Dear Diary,
I know Bus said not to call the Packers, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I totally had to tell them that I missed them and that I was coming to camp! And Ted was just so cold! He told me that I couldn’t come to camp, and that he didn’t want me at camp, and that I wasn’t even reinstated!
I told him I could be reinstated if he wanted me to be. For Green Bay, I’d do it. I’d so totally do it.
July 26th, 2008
I heard from ESPN who heard from SI who heard from The Sporting News that Green Bay is, like, totally trying to set me up with someone else. I caught the Jets looking at me, and Tampa Bay, and, like, EWWW!
Totally ewww. I mean, they’re not even really New York.
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