Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Baseball-English Translation Guide, Part 2

  • "He just doesn't know how to win" - his team didn't score any runs while he was pitching.
  • "What's important is that everyone in the bullpen knows their role" - the closer is simultaneously the most expensive and the worst pitcher out there, but even he can generally get three outs without melting down too often.
  • "He's hitting the ball hard but right at people" - Other teams have scouting reports and position their fielders accordingly.
  • "He's much less effective working from the stretch" - because that's what he does when there are runners on, as opposed to when the bases are empty
  • "RBIs are much more important than getting on base" - The commentator has not yet figured out that the runs that get batted in are the result of someone getting on base.
  • "Guys who take a lot of walks clog the bases" - Because aesthetically speaking, the clean, empty expanse of a base with no one on it is much more pleasing
  • "He really wanted that pitch" - Because it was a foot and a half outside
  • "The batter wants to know where that pitch was" - Because it wasn't over the plate
  • "Should be an easy play for the left fielder" - But won't be, because this guy takes worse routes to the ball than Ponce De Leon
  • "Struggling to find himself at the plate" - The Pointer Sisters have had a hit more recently than this guy
  • "Still has to earn back the fans' trust" - this guy got caught using PEDs and everyone outside his team's home town hates him. The hometown fans, on the other hand, think he's the greatest thing since microbrews at ballparks, at least as long as he keeps producing. If he's ever traded or signs elsewhere as a free agent, his former hometown fans will suddenly decide en masse that he's a bum, while the new hometown fans will embrace him. 
  • "He's a different hitter on the road" - And by different, we mean "worse"

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