Thursday, February 02, 2012

Yet Another Reason to Hate Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The local sports talk radio station has been running this Godawful commercial of late. Over what sounds like a knockoff of "Also Sprach Zarathurtra (DJ Concussion Mix), it announces that history is going to be made. For the first time, Madonna is going to perform in the Super Bowl 46 (I refuse to use Roman numerals unless they release lions onto the field, and I don't mean Matthew Stafford) Halftime Show.

Well, no shit. Of course she's performing for the first time in the Super Bowl 46 Halftime Show; THERE'S NEVER BEEN A SUPER BOWL 46 HALFTIME SHOW BEFORE. Everyone who performs in it is doing so for the first time, including Madonna, her cone-shaped brassiere, and whatever organic material is left in her face.

Look, I realize correct grammar is not high on the list of Super Bowl priorities. There are meaningless platitudes to dutifully record, Mannings to pursue, incantations by Bill Belichick to his lord and master Arioch to take part in, and so forth. But for God's sake, people, you've known about Madonna doing the halftime show for months. Is that long enough to get someone who hasn't suffered multiple concussions to check the text on your three line radio commercial?

Yeah, probably not. Forget I said anything.
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