Thursday, June 26, 2014

Things We Know, NBA Draft Edition

Here is what we know about the NBA draft:

  1. The Cleveland Cavaliers are definitely taking Jabari Parker first overall, because they want to lure LeBron James back to Cleveland and they whiffed on last year's #1, so they're going for the "sure thing".
  2. The Cleveland Cavaliers are definitely taking Andrew Wiggins out of Kansas with the #1 overall pick because he's got the highest ceiling of anyone in the draft.
  3. The Cleveland Cavaliers are trading the #1 overall pick to Orlando for the #4, the #12, and Aaron Afflalo. 
  4. Most of the casual fans claiming to be NBA draftniks have no idea who Aaron Afflalo is.
  5. The Cavaliers' front office is in disarray over who to pick.
  6. The Cavaliers' front office is in lockstep over who to pick.
  7. Many draft reporters are apparently making things up.
  8. Alternately, members of the Cleveland front office enjoy messing with reporters.
  9. The Milwaukee Bucks, who have the second pick in what has become a 2-man draft thanks to Joel Embiid's foot injury, are collectively pointing at Cleveland and laughing.
  10. Every NBA fan of a certain age heard the news about Embiid's injury and immediately thought "Joe Barry Carroll". Those under a certain age thought "Greg Oden".
  11. The Sixers, who are drafting third in what they thought was a three man draft, now find themselves trying to convince their fan base that when they pick an Australian teenager who hasn't played in a year with the #3 overall selection, it will be worth having dumped a playoff team's roster worth of talent in order to tank for this.
  12. Andrew Wiggins, we have been told all year, is a transcendent physical talent worth sabotaging an entire season for. According to scouts, he also can't shoot, can't dribble, doesn't always play hard, and doesn't have a killer instinct. One can only imagine what they say about the guys in the draft who weren't sold as transcendent physical talents.
  13. Before the end of the evening, Creighton forward Doug McDermott will have been compared to Mike Miller, Kyle Korver, Jimmer Fredette and Adam Morrison, because it is an unwritten rule of surpassing idiocy that NBA players can only be compared to other players of similar ethnicity. This, incidentally, explains why Jeremy Lin is constantly compared to Wang Zhizhi. 
  14. The odds of a second round pick becoming a major contributor to an NBA team are slightly lower than the odds of Luis Suarez getting a show on Food Network. The Sixers have 5 of them. Make of that what you will.
  15. Both the Lakers and the Celtics are in the lottery. The rest of the league calls this "schadenfreude".
  16. The Spurs are almost certainly planning on taking some 6'7" European player you've never heard of they're going to stash with a team in Croatia for three years, at which point he will come over to the US and suddenly become a transcendent talent.
  17. The word "upside" will be used more than "the", "and", and "is" during the draft telecast.
  18. Joel Embiid will be picked somewhere between 4th and 7th. If he stays healthy, he will probably become the best player to come out of this draft. He is also a 7 foot tall 20 year old with back and foot problems. Bet the under.
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