Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The FIFA World Cup Blog Post, Sponsored By the FIFA World Cup (Not Actually Sponsored By FIFA)

This may or may not be FIFA HQ
Is anyone else creeped out by the robotic mention of the World Cup as "the 2014 FIFA World Cup" by all the announcers, commercials by official sponsors, etc? I mean, yes, FIFA puts it on (and as John Oliver notes, absorbs money like Galactus chowing down on a habitable planet in the process), and yes, it is technically the FIFA World Cup, but the creepy Heisenbergian insistence on saying FIFA's name every time it gets mentioned is starting to wig me out. Imagine if the announcers had to say "The NFL Super Bowl" or "The MLB World Series" or "the PGA's Masters Where We're All Just Kind of Hoping Tiger Finally Gets Off The Schneid One Of These Days".

Which is ridiculous, when you think about it. Absolutely no one out there is in danger of forgetting that this is 2014, or that it's the FIFA World Cup. After all, it's on the name of the video game. Nobody's going to suddenly start thinking that it's the Harper Valley PTA World Cup. Or the Vinny's Sports Bar World Cup. Or the Motley Crue Presented by Dodge World Cup. We get it. It's soccer. Ergo, it's FIFA.

Look, FIFA, here's the deal. You're a deeply corrupt international organization with a billion dollars in the bank, a worldwide reach, and a monopolistic stranglehold on a sport so intense that countries will rewrite their laws to appease you. Shouldn't that be enough? Making those poor announcers chant "FIFA World Cup" endlessly - unless it's part of an eldritch rite to summon Cthulhu, which I'm not ruling out - is the sort of over-the-top super villain move that, if unchecked, will lead to secret volcano HQs, funny uniforms, and Sepp Blatter referring to himself as "Cobra Commander". And nobody wants that.

Actually, that's not true. Everyone wants that. If nothing else, it would be a little more honest.
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