Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Bring Back the Cucumbers

When I was growing up in Philly, 97.5 was a semi-top 40 station, in that they played hits, but they also played a lot of local music. They played Bon Jovi before anyone else did (YMMV), and they played The Cucumbers and Hooters and John Eddie and Glenn Burtnick and Tommy Conwell and the Young Rumblers and even some Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. They played the living hell out of Springsteen's "Pink Cadillac", and at Christmas they did the same for his version of "Santa Claus is Coming To Town". And for some unknown reason, they latched onto "When I'm With You" by Sheriff, possibly the most insipid power ballad of the '80s (and that's saying something) and played it endlessly.
These days, 97.5 is a sports yakker. As I'm in Philly on vacation, I decided to tune in for old times' sake. What I got was:

  • The Phillies should disable Ryan Howard and call up Darren Ruf to hit cleanup
  • Jimmy Rollins is a lock for the Hall of Fame
  • The Phillies need to start Freddy Galvis
  • Cole Hamels is not pitching enough innings to earn his contract, never mind he keeps getting pulled for pinch-hitters because the Phillies don't score any runs for him
  • Chase Utley is providing insufficient leadership by just getting on base instead of hitting home runs, which he should apparently be doing every time at bat
  • Jimmy Rollins is a better defensive shortstop than Ozzie Smith because he has a better fielding percentage
  • Jimmy Rollins should be in the Hall of Fame because he has a better OBP than Luis Aparicio, who has the worst OBP of any shortstop in the Hall of Fame
  • It's Cole Hamels' fault he's not winning games because limiting the other team to 2 runs in 6 innings just isn't enough
And on and on and on and on. (They also seriously proposed Scott Wieland as one of the greatest rock frontmen of all time)
It's enough to make me miss Sheriff.

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