No, there weren't sharks or even ill-tempered sea bass at Estadio Azteca last night (I accidentally referred to it as "Rey Azteca," which is the name of our favorite local Mexican restaurant, because I am a philistine). But someone there had some frickin' laser beams.
Last night the US Men's National Soccer Team played the Mexican National Team in Mexico City. There's plenty of footage of US goalkeeper Tim Howard having lasers shined onto his face and chest throughout the match. Fortunately drunks have a hard time keeping a pencil-thin beam aimed at the eyeball of a moving target a quarter-mile away, or Howard might have left Mexico blind.
Amazingly -- for the first time in forty years -- the US team beat Mexico last night at Estadio Azteca. This was a major triumph for the US program, especially given their recent descent in the FIFA power rankings (we were 36th going into last night, compared to Mexico at #17).
But, seriously here, I'd like to understand why the referee didn't put a halt to the match, or charge Mexico with fouls or cards, in response to Mexican fans' attempts to distract or blind the US goalkeeper. This can't possibly be acceptable.