Sunday, May 13, 2012

Florida State, Scooby Doo Villain

This is what Florida State's athletic director said in response to rumors that the Seminoles were looking to jump to the Big 12:

"We're in the ACC. We're committed to the ACC," Spetman said. "That's where our president and the board of trustees has committed to, so we're great partners in the ACC."

 Translated into English, this roughly says:
  1. Crap, we got caught.
  2. I want us in the Big 12, but those stupid poopyheads the university president and board of trustees said no.
  3. Crud, we need to make nice to all the people we'll be playing next year if I don't pull this move off.
  4. This word "great partners", I do not think it means what you think it means.
  5. You're not buying a word of this, are you?
  6. I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling reporters and your stupid dog. Also, our football coach shooting his mouth off.
You know, if more than 20 Division I athletic departments were profitable, I could see some vague justification for all of this. But they don't, so there isn't, and screw anyone who says "well, football's profitable, you need to cut some chick sport, that's all." A whole lot of football programs aren't profitable, and it's not because of women's field hockey. It's because of multi-gazillion dollar facility improvements and multi-million dollar contracts for football coaches and, oh yes, the added travel fees racked up by all the other sports who now have to fly to Boise by way of Saskatoon because football's jerked them into a conference realignment that only makes sense in terms of football dollars.

So I expect FSU to bolt to the Big 12. And I expect the ACC to respond by ripping UConn or Lousiville out of the Big East. And I expect all the happy horseshit will continue from there, as it has, because at least right now, football money is all that matters in college sports.

But gosh, they're great partners to somebody at FSU. It's not their fault that "somebody" changes.

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