Quick Hits

Former Vikings DE Carl Eller goes nuts on cops after a police stop for DUI - Apparently Eller laid out a couple of cops after being tased, to which I can say I only hope Officers Staubach and Jaworski are all right.

Tulsa newspaper breaks the story Monday that Oklahoma State is preparing an offer for Kansas coach Bill Self, who happens to have a game to coach that night - more proof that T. Boone Pickens can buy everything except class, and maybe timing. At least wait until the day after the championship game to go stalking one of the coaches involved. Otherwise, people might get the crazy idea that college athletics were about money.

Rays put OF Cliff Floyd on DL - Is there anyone out there surprised by this? Anyone?

Olympic torch extinguished in France, diverted in San Francisco as protestors decry Chinese foreign policy - Residents of Darfur and Tibet are, by all accounts, unimpressed. Also, kind of busy.

Penn State football player kicked off team for threatening fellow student with a knife - At which point JoePa took the offending player out and replaced him with someone who'd threaten fellow students with something old-fashioned and proven, like a flint axe or an atlatl.

NHL playoffs begin - And the four teams that didn't make the cut are the only ones who can figure out what channel they're being broadcast on.

Red Sox get championship rings in moving ceremony at Fenway Park - Five minutes later Bill James was using statistical analysis to compare them to the Yankee rings of the late 90s, Theo Epstein had traded his to Florida for a couple of 2003 rings and a 1997 setting to be named later, and Sully from Saugus had called in to WEEI to say that the rings freakin' sucked.

San Francisco Giants look to be historically bad - Four words: Bengie Molina, cleanup hitter. Four more words: Missing Barry, ain't ya?

NFL draft approaches - On the bright side, it will keep Mel Kiper Jr. from talking about baseball for a little while.

UCLA denies reports that two basketball players are going pro - Left unchallenged is the assertion that Kevin Love looks like a really tall version of Justin Timberlake. Or maybe Kevin Federline.

UNC deals with fallout of Final Four loss - Chapel Hill is in shock and denial. Meanwhile, other ACC coaches propose new rule whereby league refs are actually allowed to call fouls on Duke and Carolina players, the better to prepare them for the occasional non-league road game. Very occasional.

Royals crush Yankees - File this one under "it's April".