The Handy-Dandy Guide to Jeffrey Loria's Letter To (Both) Marlins Fans

This is Jeffty Loria's idea of what heaven looks like

Jeffrey Loria is probably not the worst owner in professional sports history. He lacks, for example, the heady taint of slumlording racism that lingers around Donald Sterling. He's not dumb enough to bet on his own team, like jocksniffing gambler and pilings magnate William D. Cox. He hasn't actively engaged in the sort of wholesale criminal behavior of a Harold Ballard, and he's blessedly absent Marge Schott's fetishes for on-field St. Bernards and Nazi memorabilia.

Also, he's probably never buried a dead hooker in the Everglades.

That's about all the good stuff you can say about him. On the other hand, he actively conspired to destroy baseball in Montreal, hung the cash-strapped Miami municipality on the hook for well over a billion dollars in bond payments for his art nouveau fishtank of a ballpark, shoveled revenue-sharing cash intended to make the team competitive into his pockets with both hands, and repeatedly and cynically dismantled teams after they'd served their PR purposes. He's petulant, vindictive, thin-skinned, petty, and obnoxiously smirky, and I don't care how many awards that stadium wins from People Who Just Happen To Be Friends Of Jeffty Loria, it still looks like the long-lost Jemm And The Holograms stadium playset.

Believe it or not, though, people in South Florida have noticed. They've noticed to the point where they're writing snarky blog posts and not showing up to buy tickets. And that inspired Jeffty, who acts like he is perpetually five, to write a long, chest-thumping screed defending the royal screwing he gave both the region and the fans, and pay to have it run in one of the local papers.

Here, now, is Sportsthodoxy's take on what he said:

What Loria Said:
It’s no secret that last season was not our best — actually it was one of our worst. In large part, our performance on the field stunk and something needed to be done.
What Loria Meant:
"Losing bothers me a lot less when it's cheap."