Cavs Trade for Shaq

And we've got a sneak preview of what the Cleveland offense will look like when they put The Big Aristotle and Big Z Ilgauskas on the floor at the same time. That's not Mothra on the right, that's Moe Williams cutting to the basket.

And Another Thing...

"Stupid San Diego Padres! Get offa my lawn!"

Listening to Peter Pascarelli on ESPN's baseball podcast, one gets the unshakable impression that he is busily filling his house with balloons so he can bid farewell to Bristol, once and for all.

Late Night Tidbits

• After reading the teaser for Rick Reilly's latest column, I can assure him: I don't hate Kobe. I hate Rick Reilly columns.
• Tony LaRussa's cries for another bat for the Cardinals would seem to make sense until you realize that he's got two 30-homer guys on his roster, not to mention a preseason RoY candidate center fielder, whom he's sitting half the time. LaRussa's outfield usage patterns have long since started to resemble the mixed drinks you get at frathouse golf parties; someone thinks they're being very clever by using whatever's on hand, but the result is rarely optimal. If he were less interested in appearing the genius by playing matchups with obscure Stahovinoids, he'd put Ludwick in left, Rasmus in center, and Ankiel in right, and leave them there so they could get regular at-bats and thus start hitting.
• History will regard this year's NBA finals as a somewhat boring beatdown, but if the Magic had made 2 more free throws, the series would be headed back to LA with the Magic up 3 games to 2. This, kids, is why you practice free throws.
• I completely agree with LZ Granderson that tagging Dwight Howard as "Wonder Woman" after the finals is equal parts sexist and stupid. After all, all comics geeks know that Wonder Woman is fully capable of some serious ass-kicking. May I recommend instead Bizarro?
• Just to be clear, the blogger who started the Raul Ibanez kerfuffle did not say "I think Raul Ibanez is on steroids." He said, "Given the evidence, people are going to wonder if he's on steroids." This, naturally got ignored in all the subsequent insanity, but it did place the mainstream media types in an interesting place: they love insinuating guys use steroids (see Baker, Geoff; Reilly, Rick; Roberts, Selena; and the beat goes on) but hate bloggers. Oh, the dilemma! Oh, the geshrying! Naturally, they came down on the side of "hate bloggers"...and then went chasing the Sammy Sosa story.
• Interesting how the Sosa thing gets leaked now, incidentally. I'm starting to get the feeling someone with access to those 2003 test results is on Roger Goodell's payroll.
• Memo to the people bitching over how much Stephen Strasburg might get: RELAX. IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY. It's the team's, and it's no skin off your back if they decide to pay him $50M over six years. That's revenue sharing money they're spending, anyway. Talent should be worth what it can get. Period. Last time I checked, that was called the free market. There's already an artificial restraint of trade in the form of the draft; why should the teams be the only ones to leverage the draft to their financial advantage?
  
• Nice to see the added coverage given the MLB draft this year, even if it was largely Strasburg-driven. There's also a lot more coverage of the College World Series, which ESPN has started pushing hard. One wonders if they're positioning it as a hedge against the MLB network...
  

Memo the Guy Who Writes Ad Text For VYPE

The local sports-talk stations are inundated with adds for VYPE SPORTS MAGAZINE, the guide to the life and lifestyle of today's high school athlete!

For the record, there is a form of address used for people my age who show too much interest in the life and lifestyle of today's high school athlete. It is "the defendant".

Rumblin Stumblin Bumblin

• There are few more unlikely terms in sports than "Ryan Howard triples to left."
• Reason #2456 that front office types should not be allowed near microphones: Vinny Cerrato talking about how Jason Campbell "exuberates" his leadership.
• With the growing interest in the MLB amateur draft, how long is it before Keith Law is forced by ESPN to adopt Mel Kiper Jr's hairstyle?
• When they have to tell you how big an upset it is, it's not that big an upset. Sorry, Rafael Nadal.
• Lakers in six. They'll take the first two, lose game 3, take game 4, lose 5 on a gutsy effort by the desperate Magic, and then blow out the completely gassed Magic in Game Six.
• Meanwhile, Shaq will be openly rooting for a meteor to hit the arena midway through the second quarter of game five.
• Memo to ESPN.com - I can recycle old Rick Reilly columns at the fraction of the cost of having the real Rick Reilly do it. Plus, I actually like sports.