Rollins West

The rational, calculating fan in me who values victories over everything else is glad that the Phillies' rebuild has officially begun with the trades of Antonio Bastardo and, more importantly, Jimmy Rollins. Bastardoo is a reliever and about to get expensive, not the sort of luxury a team that's unlikely to be winning much in the near future can afford. Rollins is a a late-30s shortstop who's slowly moving into decline phase and makes a ton of money. Trading him while he still has some value officially kicks off the Phillies' desperately needed rebuild process.

Wait Til Next Year

I'm going to paraphrase here.



Last night, I walked into our living room, where Dr. Mrs. The Sportsthodoxy was on the couch playing Threes on her iPad. The television was on in the background; it was set to MLB Network, which meant the late-night game between the Dodgers and the Braves. And Dr. Mrs. The Sportsthodoxy saw me, and said, "Honey, you have to hear this announcer!"
I listened for a minute. It was, of course, Vin Scully. I said, "That's Vin Scully. He's the greatest announcer in the history of baseball."

Adult Swim In Arizona

Apparently there is some outrage being generated in certain quarters over an unsourced rumor that, during their victory celebration in the swimming pool in center field of whatever they're calling the Diamondbacks' park these days, at least one Dodger (and possibly more) embraced their inner six year old and - there is no graceful way to say it - peed in the pool.

Now I find this ridiculous for several reasons, namely:

• The whole "They partied in our pool!" nonsense out of noted razor clam poacher Willie Bloomquist is precisely that: nonsense. The game was over, the park was empty, and they won. In the words of Chopper, Harden the @#$# up, Willie. 
• Everybody pees in the pool. 17% of adults - not kids, adults - admit to it, which means that the actual numbers are way higher. Any pool you dare venture into is almost certainly going to have some whiz in it. That's why there's enough chlorine in your average swimming pool to kill half a regiment at Ypres: BECAUSE EVERYONE PEES IN THE DAMN POOL ANYWAY.
• And because the Dodgers jumped in the pool in uniform. Those bad boys would almost certainly show a narsty colored stain quite well. 

Which leads me to the conclusion that A)it's probably a load of bollocks that someone dreamed up so more old men could yell at Yasiel Puig to get off their porch and B)nobody in their right mind would give a crap even if it were true.
But, it did get me thinking about how this story might have gone if it had been someone else in that pool. For instance:

• If it had been the Denver Broncos, it would have been someone else's pee added to the pool.
• If it had been the Milwaukee Brewers, the pee would somehow have been mishandled on its way into the pool.
• If it had been Lance Armstrong's, he would have sworn that the pee was actually an organic healing elixir.
• If it had been the Philadelphia Phillies, someone - probably Ryan Howard - would have gotten hurt while peeing.
• If it had been Oklahoma State, thousands of angry internet commenters would have demanded to know why it hadn't been Miami or North Carolina or USC or Oregon that peed in the pool instead.
• If it had been Texas A&M, someone would have sworn that it was just a coincidence that 4500 vials labeled "Urine sample - Manziel" showed up in the pool at that time. And Johnny would have had to sit out of the pool for half an hour.
• If it had been the Lakers, the story would have been about how nobody would have peed if they'd hired Phil Jackson as coach.
• If it had been the Coyotes, nobody would have cared.
• If it had been the Arizona Cardinals, nobody would have believed it.
• And if it had been the Yankees, it would have been reported as Derek Jeter nobly and honorably marking his territory as God-Emperor of the Suburban Phoenix Dunes, and for that we should all be grateful.

Great Moments In Surprise Actual Brawling

I swear, we're totally brawling here

In the aftermath of Carlos Quentin's takeout of Zack Greinke, one thing is certain: Greinke isn't going to be pitching for a while. Beyond that, it's a haze of internet yammering and finger-pointing over who's at fault, what should be done, and all that usual good stuff.
It's an unusual case, largely in that what we have here is a baseball brawl in which someone actually got hurt. Usually you're in more danger on Black Friday at Filene's than you are in a scrum at the pitcher's mound; the number of actual punches thrown can be counted on the finger of one foot. Sure, everyone's out there and pushing and shoving, but most of the time nobody's actually fighting because nobody wants to get hurt or hurt anyone else. (And for all of the mockery from the football guys out there, baseball players are still generally very large people who can do an awful lot of damage with a swing if they put their minds and their lower bodies into it). When someone does get hurt - or even actually fight, like in that Reds-Cardinals brawl from a few years back - it's news because it's so unexpected. A baseball brawl is there to show that you're upset, not to try to lay the other guy out, and that's just fine.

2013 MLB Predictions - NL West Edition

The NL West's Only Hope Against The Giants...

Closing out the National League out west, where we're picking Scrooge McDuck to unseat the Giants....

Los Angeles Dodgers
Why They'll Win: Money. After shelling out $2B for the team (and accidentally enriching human gravy stain Frank McCourt in the process), ownership isn't going to flinch over spending a few dozen million for a veteran pickup before the trade deadline. Matt Kemp is an MVP level-talent, Clayton Kershaw is a Cy Young-level talent, and if the guys they picked up from Boston rebound to previous levels of performance, they'll be scary. Oh, and Zack Greinke.

The NL is Going To Get Better

This pitchers' mound we're standing on? It's made of money.

Over the past decade and a half or so, the consensus in baseball circles has been that the American League is much, much better than the National League. Watch the All-Star Games, tally up interleague play, and fiddle with the advanced metrics on the rosters and it's clear: more of the better talent is in the AL. Yeah, occasionally a San Francisco or a St. Louis can snaffle up a World Series win, but Billy Beane can tell you all there is to know about the sort of small sample size you get in the playoffs, and how well one's crap works therein. (Hint: it doesn't.)