Your Handy-Dandy Guide to Fired NFL Coaches

No, Chuck Pagano's not on this list. I didn't believe it, either.

Johnny On The Spot

And now we know why Cleveland stuck with the flailing Brian Hoyer for so long, even when it was obvious he'd lost his early season mojo: He gave the team a better chance to win. This is not a banner wave for Hoyer, who appears to have topped out in lesser-Detmer-brother territory. His confidence is shot, his accuracy isn't there, and he can't buy time in the pocket. And he still gives Cleveland a better chance to win than Johnny Football.

Match the Headline

And now for something a little different: see if you can match the content with the hysterical headline that got put over it. Answers are below:

Thoughts On The Greatest Preseason Game Ever

RGIII VERSUS JOHNNY FOOTBALL WHO IS IN A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE WITH BRIAN HOYER! PRESEASON FOOTBALL AT ITS FINEST! YOU MAY BE FORCED TO BUY YOUR WHOLE SEAT AS PART OF YOUR SEASON TICKET PACKAGE BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!

Now that we've got that out of the way, some thoughts:

ZOMG Selfies!!!!

So a sports talk radio host asks the question - in all seriousness - "Is it beneficial for Johnny Manziel to be taking selfies with Justin Bieber and posting them online?" This is, of course, a rhetorical question. We are meant to answer with a resounding "no", with a side of "how dare he", joining the fuddy-duddy host in stern, serious disapproval.

Rebuilding the Cleveland Way

Cleveland Browns Front Office Org Chart

Here is the normal process for cleaning out a front office and hiring a coach in the NFL:

1. Fire everyone in the front office. If there are people in place you want to keep, don't fire them.
2. Hire the people you want for the available spots.
3. Once your front office is in place and set up to go forward, proceed with hiring a coach. This ensures that the coach you eventually hire is the guy your GM wants to be coaching the team, and whom presumably he can work with.
4. Do football-type things.

What Can The Browns Do To You?

The Cleveland Browns finally have a coach.

He is not Jon Gruden. He is not Josh McDaniels. He is not, in fact anyone you've ever heard of.

Monday, Bloody Monday

From Sunday evening into early Monday afternoon, five NFL head coaches lost their jobs:

• Rob Chudzinski, one-year head coach of the Browns (record with the Browns: 4-12)
• Leslie Frazier, 3.5-year head coach of the Vikings (record with the Vikings: 21-32, with one playoff appearance -- a loss to the Packers in 2012)
• Mike Shanahan, 4-year head coach of the Washington football club (record with Washington: 24-40 with one playoff appearance -- a loss in the wild card round while hosting the Seahawks in 2012)
• Buccaneers 2-year head coach Greg Schiano (record with Tampa: 11-21)
• Lions 5-year head coach Jim Schwartz (record with Detroit: 29-51 with one playoff appearance -- a wild card loss)

The Owners Take All The Risks (Of Prosecution)

Let us consider Zygi Wilf.

Wilf, owner of the Minnesota Vikings, and his brother and his cousin, are bad people. They are bad people who defrauded their business partners out of a great deal of money. The legal ruling against the Wilfs, in a case which they have been dodging for two decades, nailed them for fraud, breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, and violation of racketeering laws.

Racketeering, for those of you not up on your decades-old Dennis Farina cop shows, means "mob-type stuff". Violating racketeering statutes in New Jersey means you really had to work at it.